Tuscan Traffic Light

We've been painting, and it's FUN.

I like color, LOTS of color. So we've been working on the dining room and the kitchen. It's almost finished, I've got to drybrush the glaze on tomorrow. It's called Coffee Bean, how perfect is that?

But right now, the red and gold are VIBRANT. The pictures don't do them justice...

Rest In Peace, Pete.

A good friend that I met online, Brenda, lost her husband today. He's been struggling for a long time. He came home from the first Iraq War incredibly ill from all the oil fires and has been going downhill steadily since then.

Brenda and Pete have two little girls, the same age as my girls. Two little girls that are going to have to grow up without their daddy. He won't be there to comfort their first broken hearts. When they get married, he won't be there to give them away. All they'll have is the memory of a daddy who was sick for the majority of their short childhoods.

Because she's on disability and has been taking care of Pete full time, Brenda wasn't able to keep up on the life insurance premiums. The VA says that his illness wasn't due to the oil fires, so they're saying that they're not going to pay up either. So essentially, Brenda is left with nothing. She's got people that are going to help her fight the VA, but she already knows it's a losing battle.

I was chatting with Bren last night in IM, and she was her usual incredible, strong, beautiful self. She told me about how Pete mouthed I Love You to her, since he couldn't talk, and then a few minutes later told her to f*** off because she wouldn't let him die at home. ;) (They had just recently moved and she didn't want their new home to be the place where daddy died, for her girls.) I know she's going to be OK, because that's just who she is. But being OK doesn't stop the ache, or the missing the person you love the most in the world, or the ache for your children in their loss.

Any prayers at all for Brenda and her girls are most definitely appreciated, and needed.


Be well, Pete. Godspeed.

It's true!

I really do have the cutest kids on the face of the planet. These are the photos that I'm putting in our Christmas cards that I REALLY WILL mail out before June. I might even get them out before Christmas! (And if you're reading this and you HAVE my email address, send me your mailing address so I can send you a card. Yes, that means YOU James and Roni.)

That's got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

My grandparents were here visiting this weekend. I love my grandparents. Really I do. But they are also part of the reason I've been away from the church for so long. The way that the Southside congregation acted toward me, especially particular members of the congregation that I looked to as role models of Christianity, when I was pregnant with Bethany was also a key factor in me staying away for so long.

So, I had already been planning on going back to church this past weekend. There's a friend of Bethany's that goes to a CoC and her mother invited us and told me about the congregation, and I liked what I heard. So going was already a non-issue. Having Grandma & Grandpa here just made it a little easier, since they were already going.

Over the weekend I had opened up to Grandpa a little bit about why I had stopped going, and explained that I'm finally getting my head around the fact that not every congregation is like Southside, and it was a few particular members that did what they did, not the entire church. I didn't tell him about his own role in why I quit going, because it just wasn't worth the debate. I made it clear, though, that it's my own issue that I have to work through, and just because he wants me to be redeemed, he can't do it for me and he can't force me. He didn't like that too much. ;)

Anyway, as they were leaving yesterday morning, he came to me and said, "I just want you to remember, people aren't perfect, but the CHURCH OF CHRIST IS PERFECT."

OK, I understand what he was trying to get at, but that's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It took everything I had to not say so, too.

No, people aren't perfect. But neither is the church. Because the church is a gathering of people, teaching their OWN interpretation of the Bible. Yes, the church teaches the closest to what I believe, and that's why I'm coming back to the church after 10 years away instead of to a community church or Baptist. But come on, really. I pointed out that the only true perfection is that of Christ, and God's ideals. But he kept going on and on about how every single thing that the church teaches is absolute perfection.


ERGH.


It's closed-minded judgemental bigotry like that that drives people away! It makes me so angry when members of the church condemn others for not believing exactly what they do. Rather than beating their chests, proclaiming the greatness of the church (and their own greatness since they're members of the church), why can't they just let their faith shine by their works?

The biggest reason I'm so drawn to this particular congregation that we went to on Sunday is because of their outreach programs. They've got a Mom's Day Out (YAY!), a food pantry, job assistance, not to mention the approximately 12 mission support programs. There were two small sermons on Sunday, since the Cross & Crown leader was giving an update on the Thanksgiving outreach, and something that he said really struck me.

The text was John 21: 1-19. The part that he was focusing on the most was vs. 15-17:

15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these? Yes, Lord, he said, you know that I love you. Jesus said, Feed my lambs.

16 Again Jesus said, Simon son of John, do you truly love me? He answered, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you. Jesus said, Take care of my sheep.

17 The third time he said to him, Simon son of John, do you love me? Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, Do you love me? He said, Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you. Jesus said, Feed my sheep.

He went on to talk about how we can take the text literally or figuratively, and it going to work it's way around to the other side eventually. If we reach out to the community to feed them, to provide from the food pantry or Thanksgiving outreach baskets, they'll see our faith through our works without our having to say a word about it, and they'll be drawn by our works. If we reach out to the community to feed them figuratively (such as praying with the families that come to the food pantry, each time more in depth and with caring instead of nosiness) we'll end up feeding them literally as well, either sharing meals with them, through outreach programs, or any other way. It felt so RIGHT to be in a congregation that teaches a caring outreach, with the mindset of, "how may we serve you?" rather than, "You must believe as we do or you will burn burn burn burn BURN!!!"

It's a little frustrating that right when I find a congregation that I'm comfortable with, we're going to miss the next two weeks. We're leaving on Saturday to go visit Brian's family, and won't be back until early Sunday morning the week after. Since we're driving through the night Brian and I will be too tired to go to church that day. So it will be the 2nd of December before we go back to church. It's hard enough to get Brian to go, but he says he'll do his best to keep going with us. He knows it means a lot to me, so I think he'll keep going. He's agreed to it anyway, we'll see.

Sorry this was so rambling. I'm still getting my thoughts situated. ;)

How do you tell a completely oblivious person that you don't want to be involved in their drama?

There's this guy, D, that used to be stationed in Okinawa with us. DH ran into him a while back, and stupidly gave the guy our number. D is socially inept and has no sense of personal hygiene. He's a sad, dirty, pathetic puppy, and for some reason he really likes us.

Somehow he managed to get a woman to sleep with him and got her pregnant, and now they're married. He called a few weeks ago and wanted to introduce us to his wife, and somehow it turned into me inviting them over for dinner. I'm still not sure how that happened. I did my best to be nice and polite to them, but finally had to tell them, "look, not to kick you out or anything, but it's after 11 and we really need to get to bed."

I hate talking on the phone, so I haven't gone out of my way to call them. I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to be involved in their drama. (Her ex is taking the kid to England for 6 months.) I've got enough crap going on in my own life and trying to help my sis with what's going on in her life.

So today D called and started rambling. "I should know better than to give messages to your DH to pass on, he obviously hasn't told you anything that I asked him to. So yeah, N (his wife) is starting to freak out, she's realizing that Little Guy is leaving for England soon and I don't know what to do about it. She really needs a friend. Can you just hang out with her and reassure her, take her with you when you go run your errands & stuff?"



NO!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO!!!! she kind of gives me the creeps to begin with!


So like an idiot, what do I say? "Well, I'll do my best, I'll do what I can. But you need to understand that I do have three kids and I'm rarely home, I don't have a lot of time."




How do I tell them, without being a hurtful asshole, that I don't want to be involved in their drama, much less their lives? Why can't the fact that WE DIDN'T GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH HIM WHEN WE GOT HERE BE ENOUGH OF A SIGN THAT WE DON'T WANT TO BE IN TOUCH?


Yes. I am a jerk. I know.

Are you voting today?

For the first time since I registered to vote on my 18th birthday, I am not voting. What with moving and getting settled in and being an out of state voter, I just didn't have time to learn about the issues on ballot in Iowa. It feels WEIRD to not be standing in line waiting to vote this morning.

I'll be thrilled when this whole voting thing is over though. I'm sick of all the political recorded phone calls at 7:30 in the morning on WEEKENDS, and of course at dinnertime. I can't even get revenge by giving Matthew the phone, it's a stupid recording.

In other news, I am TIRED. Exciting, eh? It would be great if I could get in bed and ASLEEP before 10 PM. Especially since Matt's been climbing into bed with us every morning at 4 AM. I love having him in bed with us, all cuddly and sweet, but I'm having a hard time falling BACK to sleep. *sob* I wish he'd take naps so I could get a nap. (Hey, why isn't the font going back?) He's on my bed right now watching cartoons. Maybe I'll climb back into bed with him and cuddle him and catch a nap while he learns his letters and numbers of the day. This nap was brought to you by the letters S, L, EE, and P!

MMMMMMM.......chicken nuggets anybody?

So I had surgery on my ankle yesterday. Dr. Henry Rollins excised a cyst the size of a chicken nugget. YUM!!
It's hard to tell in these pics, but my ankle was huge. So big that my actual ankle bone was lost underneath.






The incision is over two inches long.










MMMMMM.....doesn't that look TASTY?

MMMMMMMM......Punk Doctor

I'm having surgery on my ankle tomorrow and my doctor looks like Henry Rollins.
















I hope he didn't notice the lusty stare every time he walked into the room. Good lord that man is hot!

OK, OK, I'll post!

We're here! We've been in the house about a month, but only had dial up for the first few weeks. No way in the world was I going to try to do anything beyond check email and bank accounts on dial up. Now we've got DSL, and we're good.

Life has been hectic since we moved in. The girls are back in school, and it's a struggle. Even though I got them caught up during homeschool last year to where they should have been in the DoDDS system, they're still really behind here. So homework takes forever. They're also enrolled in soccer. I'M A SOCCER MOM IN A MINI-VAN!!! My BIL says I should get a soccer ball tattooed on my butt, because, "Soccer moms kick ass!" :D We have practices on Monday and Friday evenings for Catey, and Friday evening and Sunday afternoons for Bethany. Soccer games on Saturdays, thank God they're at the same field. I'm praying that the games will be close to each other in times, so we're not having to stay the whole day at the field on the other side of town. Oh, and random scrimmages in there too. ERGH.

So we got here on August 14, and two weeks later the in-laws came down for a visit. On the day our stuff from storage was delivered. So they helped us unpack, then we painted the living room. It's greeeeeeeeeen in here, I love it. (Pictures to come soon, I promise.) It was a long weekend, rough at times (my FIL and I aren't exactly the best of friends), but good in the long run. Cindy brought me half a garden worth of veggies, YUM.

The week after they left, our unaccompanied baggage was delivered. Mostly bedding, dishes, towels, cookware. Had I known that the last of our stuff isn't going to be delivered utnil OCTOBER 19 (sob) I'd have sent more. Yes, that's right, October 19. We packed out on August 5. Our furniture is on the slow boat to China by way of Antarctica.

LAST week, we got a call on Wednesday that Grandpa Jim, my MIL's father, had taken a bad fall, broken his right femur, and almost died en route to the hospital. So after a quick pow-wow, Brian and I decided to make a quick weekend trip up to Iowa to see Grandpa. We haven't been up to Iowa in four years, it was time. It was a great weekend, but LONG. Grandpa is doing much better, and was even moved to a nursing home near the VA hospital yesterday. And hey, Iowa beat Iowa State, so Grandpa was in a great mood. To make his mood even better, he FINALLY got to meet his first great-grandson. Two peas in a pod, they are! :D

So we're home now. We got home really late Tuesday night, and I'm still exhausted. I've been running ever since we got home. Doctor on Wednesday morning, vet yesterday morning, DirecTV today. (Yay, we have more than three channels!!) Add that to trying to get the house cleaned up, the suitcase unpacked, laundry caught up, and trying to get Matt into a better mood. Oh, and I started digging the sod out of the front flower bed, so we can get some black dirt tilled into the clay and I can finally get my hostas in the ground. I'm ready to crash! But I can't, because we have two soccer practices tonight, at the same time, in different places.


Now that we're home and shouldn't be going anywhere again for a while, I'll be able to blahg more. Theoretically.

Hey hosers!

Our internet is being disconnected tomorrow, so I figured I'd better at least say bye for a while. Not that I've updated much recently. We pack out on Friday and Saturday this week, and our final inspection on the house is Tuesday, which is when we'll move into TLF. (Military hotel for you non-military-speak types.) As of the 10th Brian is no longer a part of Kadena AB!!!! Then we be leaaavin', on a JETPLANE, on the 12th.

I'm going nuts here. There's so much to be done, and most of it can't be done until the last minute. I'll be so glad when this week is over.

ONE MORE PAYDAY TO GO

28 days until we leave!!! We pack out on the 4th & 5th of August, 3 weeks from today. Final inspection on this house is on the 8th or 9th, and we'll move into temporary lodging for our remaining days on island. We'll be able to keep the dogs in TLF with us, thank GOD. I was really worried about having to put them in the horrible kennels here. And finally, on the 12th, we fly! YEAAAAAAAAH!!!

One stress we DO have right now is trying to sell the vehicles. Both are POS's, but we have to get rid of them. And we need to get $1500 between the two of them to pay for the Jeep that we're buying from Bri's Aunt. These are craptacular vehicles, and there are so many people moving right now that there are a ton of vehicles being sold. I just hope that somebody NEEDS a craptacular car or van.

I think Brian and I are going to go to one of the festivals out in town, tonight. It's probably going to be pretty crowded, so we'll take a cab. If we can get a sitter, that is. Ergh. We'll see...

Look who's THREE!!!

According to him, it's his BOWDAY! I can't beleive he's three already. Where did my baby go?



Catey's 7th birthday was two weeks ago, I still need to get those pics up. And next week, Bethany. Somebody find a stop button for me so I can make them stop growing up!!!!

EWW EWW EWW EWW!!!!!

Yesterday when we got home from the beach there were several ambulances and firetrucks at a house around the corner. Not long after we got home one of the ambulances left at full speed, sirens and lights going.

This morning at 3 AM I made the mistake of checking my email and found a warning from our commander's wife. An adult had been bitten by a habu snake (thank God it was an adult, a child would have been killed) and it was a pretty bad bite. From the background in the pictures I know that this is what was going on around the corner. She also mentioned that a dog had been bitten and killed over on Kadena last week.

I'm not normally afraid of snakes, but habus terrify me. Needless to say, I had terrible snakey dreams all the rest of the night.

OK, so I might miss a few things.

I love living only a few minutes away from the beach. It's so easy to just decide to go and GO. The kids and I spent three glorious hours at the beach today (Pirate Ship Park, Jen) and it was so much fun. I even finally got Matthew to try swimming!! For an island boy he's pretty landlocked, but not today. He discovered the joy of an inner tube and was "wunning in the wadder." We built sand castles. Ok, we tried to build sand castles, not an easy feat with coral sand, but it was still fun.

I can't remember the last time I had this much fun with my kids. YAY FOR THE BEACH!!!!

54 days!

Nah, I'm not counting at all.

It's done!

We closed on the house this morning! *happy dance*

Now if we could just live in it. August 12 can't come too soon!

What is this TECHNOLOGY you speak of?

I am WAY behind the times. We didn't get a DVD player until a few short years ago. I can't tell you what a gigabyte is. RAM? Isn't that a mountain goat with really big horns? Or a Dodge truck? So needless to say, I'm rather behind the times when it comes to music as well. If I hear a song I like on the radio, I merely hope it comes back on the playlist soon. Or better yet, pray that the PX actually HAS the album so I can buy it. Yeah, we've got a LOT of CD's we don't listen to very often.

So I've finally discovered iTunes. I've spent the whole day trying to narrow down all the songs I've wanted to buy CD's for down to a whopping 20. TWENTY!!! How am I supposed to narrow down Hoobastank (I want the whole album!), Joni Mitchell, Joe Cocker, U2, all the awesomely ghey movie soundtracks.... ??????? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't have an iPod yet, I'm just going to burn the songs to CD. I've never really understood the whole point of an iPod. Really, can't you people go just a LITTLE while without music? Do you really need a soundtrack for your life? Apparently so. And I'm starting to get it now.

Well MIIIINE can...

This gives me the hysterical giggles every time I see it. Aaaah, to be back in the states for the GOOD commercials.

Linking, since I can't get the dang thing to embed...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZXHoh_9pBk

Do you sudoku?

I had never heard of sudoku until a few months ago, and I was too intimidated by it to try it. Adam helped my with my first puzzle yesterday, and I just finished my second. I think I'm addicted. It's going to be interesting teaching this to the girls, but I think it will REALLY help them with several aspects of homeschooling.

www.websudoku.com

9 incredible years

9 years ago today I married my best friend.

Exploring Okinawa

A few weeks ago, while Brian was on leave, we took the kids exploring for the day. We drove south and turned here and there. It's the best way to get anywhere, really. We found the Gushikawa-Jo ruins (Jo means castle), and Cape Kyan Prefectural Park. We also drove down to Peace Prayer Park. It was a beautiful, albeit horribly humid, day. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, here's a reference book to Okinawa.

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2106130099&code=22225051&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2106115301&code=22233118&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

A spider tale

So the other night around 2 AM I woke up from a deep sleep with that feeling that something was very wrong. I lay there for a moment, and opened my eyes. As I opened my eyes I looked up to the corner of my bedroom.There was a spider dropping down on a thread. It's body was bigger than my hand, NOT including it's legs. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen. I swear it was coming to eat me.

I screamed like a little girl and jumped out of bed, and ran to turn on the light. As I stood there in the doorway of my bedroom, clutching my husband's trusty baseball bat (because we all know that a baseball bat will kill a f-ing huge spider!) I scanned the room. I didn't see the spider. I didn't even see it's thread. It was a STEALTHY spider. *nods*

I pulled back the blankets. Maybe it had crawled into my bed and was cuddling with my husband.

No spider.

I got up on the bed and leaned over to look underneath.

No spider.

I looked back up in the corner again, to see if I could tell where it had come from.And realized...I dreamed that spider. *looks around in a paranoid manner*











Brian slept through ALL of it.

You're such a retard.

Come on, people, if you want to insult somebody, let's get a little more original.

I hate HATE HATE when people use the words retard or retarded as a manner of insult. If there's a number one way to make me dislike you right off the bat, let me hear you call somebody a retard. I'll dislike you for life, on principle.

People with true handicaps, whether it be mental or phyical, have no control over the way they are. It's not their choice. It's something that they, and their families, will have to live with forever. But it doesn't define who they are. They're still amazing people. And by calling them retard, you're just pointing out their differences. As if they weren't already aware of them. Puh-lease.

Last summer I was in one of the many "customer service" areas on base, waiting to be helped. There was a young female airman behind the counter, talking to one of her coworkers, and she said fairly loudly, "He's SUCH a f-ing retard."

It wasn't my place to say anything directly to her, so after I was finished I asked to speak to her supervisor. I told him what she had said, and told him that I actually had less of a problem with my kids hearing the f-bomb (OK, I admit it, I have a potty mouth that I'm working on) than with my kids hearing somebody being called a retard. I pointed out to him that if there had been a parent in there with a truly disabled child, that parent could have been crushed. Worse yet, what if a disabled person had heard that? How would they feel?

Honestly, I find the word just as offensive as the "n-word." It's not ok to use somebody difference to mock them. It's not ok to make a mistake and call yourself a retard, because YOU were stupid. If you make a mistake or are stupid, call it a whoops and move on with life. Don't be disparaging about it.


I feel so strongly about the word that just from typing it out so many times here, I feel as awful as I would if I had been cussing like a sailor in my grandma's presence. *ick*

A few pictures of the kids

I can't decide which one I want to put on MIL's Mother's Day mug. She's a coffee addict, so I thought I'd get her a new mug for work.

Countdown

It's 7 PM on the 30th, so this day is done enough....

92 days

exactly 3 months

13 weeks and 3 days (hey, I thought 3 months was supposed to be only 12 weeks!!!)

And my favorite, 6 paydays...


UNTIL WE LEAVE THIS ISLAND AND MOVE INTO OUR NEW HOME.


Nah, I'm not anxious to leave at.all.

Please God, let it go fast!!!

We got the house!!!!

We close on June 2, and we'll be able to crash in our VERY OWN HOME the night we land! *does the Roger Rabbit, because that's just how cool I am*

A few more pics

We didn't make it to Lee Greenwood after all. Bummer, that would have been fun. So instead I had a Corona and gave the kids my own little impromptu concert. I don't think the ungrateful little wretches appreciated it!!! *shakes head in disgust* Those kids have some learnin' to do!

We're putting an offer on a house!!!

We're going to put an offer on the house in my best friend's neighborhood. It's only got the one thing wrong with it, in that the 3rd bedroom is really a study, but that's workable. My FIL is a handy guy and can help us build out the corner and a new closet, and put in a door where the closet currently is. Besides, the faux finish in that room will be a cool start to a rockin' piratey bedroom for Matt.

We're going to be homeowners. Woah. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

I want a beer.

I hardly ever drink anymore. In the last few weeks though, I've drank more than I have in two years. A whopping three beers. And I want another one. Why do I want a beer now?

Because it's what you drink when you're swaying to Lee Greenwood, singing along with him as he belts out, oh-s0-patriotically, "Proud to Be an American" in front of a crowd of Air Force, Navy, And Marines.

Uber-American Lee and Restless Heart are giving a "PATRIOTIC concert" here tonight, and I think it's just down the hill. I might have to convince Brian to go, and get a babysitter so we can have a few beers and be patriotic.

If we go, there will be pictures. Oh yes, photographic fun. :D

So we're still house hunting.

The existing home we really liked turned out to be a no-go. I figured it would, I wouldn't want to hold closing until August if I were the seller. It was worth it to try though.

So now we're looking in the same neighborhood where my best friend lives. New homes, good school, lots of cul-de-sac streets so the streets are safer... We've got a floorplan that we like, now it's just a matter of finding one in a stage of construction where we can ask that the builder put the door on the 3rd bedroom in the hallway, instead of opening into the living room as a study. I never realized how difficult JUST THAT ONE LITTLE THING COULD BE. Ergh. If we can find a home that's in that stage of construction, we'll also be able to choose our own colors & such, which will be nice.

I'm so ready to just buy a dang house. I'm trying to not be emotional about it, but that's hard to do when you're so stressed about everything that you're not sleeping at all. Emotions kind of just take control. Ergh again.


I did realize something that helped reduce the stress for a few moments. We've only got seven more paydays until we leave. (Assuming we leave in the first week of August.) SEVEN. That's a single digit, folks!!! But...but...SEVEN? Holy crap, that's a single digit, that's going to go by REALLY fast. We need to save more money! We need to get started on buying a few things for the house! We need to get the cat back to Oklahoma! (Crap, I just realized, I think he has an appointment today.) We need to figure out how to get the dogs back!

Ok, I need to call the vet...

I've found it.

I have found the house that I want, and it's in Brian's top three as well. It's in our price range. The current owners are leaving a shed in the HUGE back yard, and the hot tub. Yeaaaaah, baby, there's a hot tub. There's a HUGE beautiful kitchen, where I won't be tripping over everybody. (OK, so I'll trip over them, but only because they're leeches, not becuase there's not enough room in the kitchen.) It has two living areas, and the front living area also has a little niche that would make a great craft area. There's a three car garage, the master bedroom is plenty big enough for our massive furniture. The tile floors are actually the pretty ones, and not that cacky yellow shiny stuff. I think it's even got a gas oven! YAY!! HOORAY FOR COOKIN' WITH GAS!! There are lots of windows, so lots of light.

Yes. This is the house that I want. Now, as long as the owners are willing to pay closing costs and are ok with an August or so closing, we're good. Right?



It really can't be that easy, can it?

And a few more

And a few more

Artsy fartsy

At the beginning of March, Brian and I went on a deep sea fishing trip. We had a ball, caught a few fish, and I was mocked by the crew for taking "artsy fartsy pictures." Hilarity ensued.

Anyway, these are some of the best from that day.

The time has come...

to buy a home.

We've been married almost 9 years and have lived in military housing or apartments the entire time. We are READY for our own place. We need roots. We need stability. We need a place to come back to that will be home.

So tonight I'm starting our preapproval process. A perfect stranger is going to tell us just how much house we can afford. Then I'm going to rely on another stranger to help us find a home and pretty much purchase it, sight unseen. We have a few places bookmarked on realtor.com that we really like, but it all depends on how much we're approved for. These last hours tonight, waiting for it to be 9 AM in OKC, have been agonizing.

There are so many questions to be answered. Do we want to buy a home that's currently under construction, or a previously owned home? Exactly what features do we want? Just how big IS 1620 sq ft? Do we really want to live in that particular town, or should we move closer to base? Are there ANY homes in that area that have anything other than gas heating? If not, we'll be going through a lot of firewood.


I'm anxious. I just want to know how much we can get, so we can hurry up and find a house. August is coming fast, and I just want to be SETTLED.

Waiting sucks, dude.

Homeschool, Day 1

Wow. Juuuuuuuuuuust wow.

For the most part everything went really well. Matt was a stinker, go figure. But the girls did well with their work, and I never once lost patientce. Yay me.

A bit before lunch though, Bethany started complaining that her throat felt icky. In Bethspeak, that means that she'll be puking before long. It didn't click with me though, and I fed the kids macaroni and cheese with tuna for lunch. EW. She started throwing up around 1. She managed to finish her work though. LOL

So around 1:45, Matthew asked me to clean his ears. He loves having his ears cleaned, since he's got Brian's nasty ears. The cotton was long and tickled him just the wrong way and he started coughing so hard that HE threw up. Everything. All over me. Not a bit of it got on the sofa or the floor.

Did I mention that I'm a sympathetic puker?

So Matt's standing in the tub, covered in vomit, still throwing up, I'm hanging my head in the toilet and trying to take my vomit soaked clothes off at the same time. I finally managed to get all my clothes off, empty my own stomach, and get the clothes OUT of the bathroom, and Bethany came in to puke some more.

Some time in all of this I had managed to call Brian to tell him that it was a veritable puke fest here at home, and I had to leave a message. He managed to call back right when I was in the midst of trying to get into the shower wtih Matt and rub Bethany's back at the same time. He was mission planning, and couldn't get out until 4.

Once we were all finally cleaned up, Bethany said she felt better and I really needed to go run a few errands. So we went. Got done at the bank, went and got Matthew's hair cut (oh yeah, he climbed up on the bathroom counter while I was helping the girls with their morning work, and managed to start to give himself a haircut. ), and then went to the bookstore. Let the kids each pick out a book since we'd had a good but rough first day.

As we were heading to the checkout Bethany started weaving like she was drunk, and was white as a ghost. Her lips were grey. I asked her if she was going to throw up again, and told her to hurry up and go to the restroom, that I'd catch up to her in less than a minute. She's been to the restroom in that building plenty of times, so when she started heading for the managers office I knew she was bad. I dropped everything in the center of the store, grabbed her and held onto her neck at the pressure points to try to keep her from fainting, and steered her and half dragged Matthew out of the store. Poor Caitlin had no idea what was going on, and just followed. Bethany started stumbling and put her hand up to her face a few steps before we got to the exit door, and I started running. Still steering her and dragging Matt, and yelling "FAINTING GIRL COMING THROUGH!!!" We made it outside just in time, and managed to get to a corner next to a trash can and a water hose. The poor girl had nothing left to throw up.

Caitlin and Matthew were so good, and found a bench behind us and sat quietly the whole time I was taking care of Bethany.

So we started walking back to the van, but I had parked next to the bank so it was a bit of a walk. Bethany was still really pale, and I didn't think she could make the walk. Thankfully we ran into a friend, and Bethany was able to sit in front of Burger King with her so I could go get the van.

SO. Finally got all the kids home. Bethany went straight to bed to read, and Caitlin curled up on the sofa. I gave Matthew a snack and asked Catey if she wanted one.

No thank you.

She was holding her stomach. I asked her if she felt sick too, and she said her stomach really hurt. Like somebody had punched her. Which is CAITLIN's sign that she's going to throw up. Sure enough, about half an hour later she's hanging her head in the toilet.

As Catey's hanging her head in the toilet, Matthew came and tugged my hand and told me, "nigh-night." So I had to go dig his sheets out of the dryer, because of COURSE today would be the day that he wet the bed. Got him down for a nap, got Catey cleaned up, finally got all three kids settled down....

Thank God the house was quiet, I was finally able to take a nap. Because within an hour of them waking up, both girls were puking agian. Bethany didn't eat dinner at all, and hasn't kept down water. Caitlin tried eating some soup, and that came back up a short while later. I've now got both girls sleeping on the bottom bunk. I don't want Bethany waking up to throw up in the middle of the night and hurting her self trying to get down in time. There's a chum bucket next to the bed. Matthew's door is cracked, and I'm sure that he'll be next. I've got a raging headache, but I don't know if it's from stress or if I'm getting it. And Brian has a 10.5 hour flight tomorrow.

Yeah. We're skipping the field trip to the zoo tomorrow.

It's official

Today is the girls' last day of school. Starting Monday, we are a homeschooling family. I'm skeered. What am I getting us into? Am I really doing the right thing for my kids? Am I going to be able to give them the individualized education that they need, the whole reason I'm pulling them out of school to begin with? Are they going to make me so completely insane that I just crack? Am I going to destroy my kids by homeschooling them?

Doubt is a bad thing, and I'm drowning in it right now.

I am completely insane. That's the only conclusion I can draw from all this.

We're going to pull the girls out of the DoDDs school and homeschool them instead.


What am I thinking? We love their teachers! They have fun at school. It's just not enough though. B. is currently in a multiage class, 1-3 grades, and consistently chooses to work with the youngest age group. She's not learning as much as she could be, because she's choosing the path of least resistance. C. is bored out of her mind, so much so that she's deciding that "I can't dooooooo it." Ergh.

Brian is concerned about my mental state as we go through with it. He's afraid I'll end up angry all the time. I think I'll be OK though. A big reason I was getting so angry all the time was because the girls were so worn out with schoolwork that they didn't want to deal with homework when they got home. They just wanted to be KIDS. Which is understandable. Besides, their homework is just ridiculous, so it was frustrating to walk them through it. My thinking is that if we're just doing our schoolwork during the day, we're not going to have to deal with extra homework, and the stress level will already be reduced. On top of that, they'll finally have time to be involved in sports and other activities. And field trips! We can go on awesome field trips! Can you tell I'm getting excited? ;)

My kids' education is paramount. Right now I see them beginning to flounder, and it scares me. With the "No Child Left Behind" program, even more kids are being dragged in the flow of the education system, whether they're ready to move on or not. That's not fair to the individual child. So I do what I have to do to make sure that THEY do well.






I really am crazy, aren't I?

I love cats. They're so sweet and cuddly, yet arrogant and standoffish at the same time. And they can TALK. Animals that talk just rock.

Much like these awesome puddy tats.

Why I eyes ya all live long day!!!

I wish I were two years old.

Because then, if I were feeling frustrated and tired I could just pitch a fit, and people would understand that I'm frustrated and tired. Because, hey, I'm two. I could use the potty, and people would give me a high five for doing so. Because a two year old that uses the potty is AWESOME. I could put robots on choo choo trains and choo choo them around the house, and call them "choo choo bobots". I could attack tall people's knees with big hugs, and the big people would sit down and love on me for a bit.

Yeah. It would be great to be two again.

Things are slowly but surely getting better. I'm finding more joy in life, which is always good. The meds stopped working for a little while, but once the doc bumped up the dosage I really started to notice a difference.

In all honesty, I know I need to be in therapy to deal with the familial issues, but I'm not ready to face them yet. I'm just now, after three months of not talking to them, finally beginning to let go of most of the anger. I still wish I could find the nutsack to tell them that they're missing out on some incredible kids, and that it's all their own loss, but I know that will just lead to more denial that they're doing anything wrong. The "I forgot" excuse only flies once with me. They're not forgetting my kids, they're ignoring them. Sorry, but going to work and bragging about the grandkids is NOT being a grandparent. So I'm just done. I'm not going to force our lives down their throats anymore. It's clear that they have no interest, and really never have. When we go back to the states, if we go through their area we won't be stopping for a visit. I doubt we'll even let them know we're there.


Wow. That sounds so cold and calloused. But it's not. It's a little bit of self defense, and a lot bit of resignation to the fact that my family has never put a bit of stock into me. We've been here in Japan for over three and a half years now. They haven't come to visit once, or even bothered to pick up the phone. It breaks my heart every day. It makes me sick that I'm 30 years old and still having mommy issues.


Wugh.



REALLY!!! I have been finding so much more joy in life. Everywhere I go, I see a photograph and wish I had the camera with me. I want to be able to capture life as I see it, with all the light and shadows playing together so beautifully. Whether it be over my own childrens' faces, over the Okinawan people's faces, or nature, I'm learning again that it's light and shadow that create life to begin with. I've been a bit better with the kids lately, too. More patient. They still frustrate me to no end, and I wish to doG that I had an ignore button for the girls, LOL, but to see them giggling in their beds when I tuck them in....it's why I'm a mommy. To hear Bubzilla say, "Yuh yew tew!!" when I kiss him... aaaahhhh...


I'm waxing poetic again, and it's probably not even making sense. It's 1:30 in the morning, and I've got to be up at 6:30 with the girls. I hate when Bri has to work nights, I can't sleep. But I'm dizzy now, I really need to drag my fat butt to bed.

So good night, my sweets, a sweet slumber and sweet dreams! Or something like that!