Somehow he managed to get a woman to sleep with him and got her pregnant, and now they're married. He called a few weeks ago and wanted to introduce us to his wife, and somehow it turned into me inviting them over for dinner. I'm still not sure how that happened. I did my best to be nice and polite to them, but finally had to tell them, "look, not to kick you out or anything, but it's after 11 and we really need to get to bed."
I hate talking on the phone, so I haven't gone out of my way to call them. I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to be involved in their drama. (Her ex is taking the kid to England for 6 months.) I've got enough crap going on in my own life and trying to help my sis with what's going on in her life.
So today D called and started rambling. "I should know better than to give messages to your DH to pass on, he obviously hasn't told you anything that I asked him to. So yeah, N (his wife) is starting to freak out, she's realizing that Little Guy is leaving for England soon and I don't know what to do about it. She really needs a friend. Can you just hang out with her and reassure her, take her with you when you go run your errands & stuff?"
NO!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO!!!! she kind of gives me the creeps to begin with!
So like an idiot, what do I say? "Well, I'll do my best, I'll do what I can. But you need to understand that I do have three kids and I'm rarely home, I don't have a lot of time."
How do I tell them, without being a hurtful asshole, that I don't want to be involved in their drama, much less their lives? Why can't the fact that WE DIDN'T GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH HIM WHEN WE GOT HERE BE ENOUGH OF A SIGN THAT WE DON'T WANT TO BE IN TOUCH?
Yes. I am a jerk. I know.
4 comments:
Dude, that's rough. It's obvious that this person doesn't have too many friends so they latch on to you since you are too nice to out right reject them.
Maybe think about training a puppy (or a kid) - they crave attention and if they don't get it they will change their behavior until they do. Captain Oblivious gets attention for living a life of drama, therefore more drama will yeild more attention. Maybe some attention for less than dramatic things will help to reinforce good behavior . . . ?
Or were you just wanting to vent and not really wanting advice? If that's the case then just ignore all the above and replace it with: "I know, that sucks!"
Venting and advice? Please? ;)
It's hard with this guy. He's seriously Cpt. Oblivious, I had to talk to him about personal hygiene and explain to him why he needs to use shampoo, body wash AND a scrubby, why he needs to USE sheets and change them at least twice a week since he sweats so much when he sleeps... get the picture?
I know it's going to come down to me having to tell him, the next time he calls, "Look, I'm sorry N's ex is taking their kid out of the country for six months, I feel for her, I really do. But I've got too much going on in my life right now, I don't have it in me to be a good friend and hold her hand through every trial and tribulation. I need to be able to focus on the mountain that I'm trying to balance on an iiiiity-bitty dessert plate. I'm sorry, please don't call again."
It just seems like every new person I'm meeting lately is dumping all their drama on my back, and I can't take any more. I don't even talk to my own family (the 'rents) any more because I got so sick of DRAMA. I just want to live my life with my husband and kids and be peaceful. Is that really too much to ask?
Here's another thought: You might try to help them find a counselor that can help . . . like maybe at the cool church you found that actually wants to help people with problems. That way you can validate their problems and let them know that you really do care, but that you just aren't equipped to really offer any help. It might be a good idea for them to talk to someone who does have those skills. You should be able to get a name for a good christian counselor from the church (and they might even offer a discount if their counselor is on staff). Also, if a counselor can help them with their drama then they can hopefully develop some social skills and make them less of a pain to be around (so you don't want to poke yourself in the eye whenever they call).
Or you could just tell him you changed your phone number to: . . . call it (or click on the link).
the number is: 918-649-1711
My bad
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