I do not like the person that I am.

That sounds horrible, doesn't it? Espcially since I'm on meds that are supposedly supposed to HELP me feel better. Instead, they're making everything clearer. I am a bitch. I am not a nice person. I can completely understand why nobody wants to hang out with me anymore. I wouldn't want to hang out with me!

What's so bad about me? DH says I'm negative about all the people we're "friends" with. I think that's because I've been using the negativity as a guard against being hurt. (Newsflash, Meg, it ain't workin'.) I'm extremely impatient with my children. And the more impatient I get, the more they do exactly what it is that's driving me crazy. I'm a control freak. If things aren't going exactly the way I think they should be, I get irate. I feel like I'm constantly angry. For no good reason. Look at me funny and I'm likely to rip your head off. I'm extremely judgemental. Goes along with that control freak thing, I guess.

I swear up and down that I don't care if people like me or not, but come on. How can you NOT care if people like you. Especially people you used to be friends with?

I want to be a nice person. I want to be able to honestly say that I like who I am. I want to be able to find joy instead of irritation in my life. Problem is, how do I get there?