Ponderings-n-Stuff

Worth Watching

2009-04-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

On the OHTER BLOG I've posted a video that's worth taking a few moments for. I've listened to it several times today, and it's got me kind of flying high with joy right now. Good stuff...

New Blog...

2009-04-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

There's new stuff going on in my life, yet again...figured it would be more appropriate to just start a new blog. I WILL be keeping up with this one, since it's kind of therapy too.

Heeeeeeee-eeeey, don't I know you from somewhere?

2008-12-01T21:09:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know...it's been a long time. I tell myself all the time, "Dude, self, you need to get back to blogging. Maybe once those fingers get moving on the keyboard you might remember what you have to say." And then one of the kids bellows, or a customer wants to yell at me because it's my fault that she can't afford her medication, or my weary husband needs some attention....yeah, what's a blog?

So there really has been a lot going on. Both of the girls recently participated in the science fair at school, and both did great. Beth got an A for her project on what happens to cornstarch peanuts in water/vinegar/acetone. And Catey took first prize for the fourth grade for her project on which environment a salt garden would grow best in. I'm so stinkin' proud of them, and yeah, a bit smug because I TOLD THEM that they could do great once they applied themselves. Bethany's grades have improved exponentially, and I'm thrilled. Catey's have actually dropped, but it's because the twerp doesn't turn in her work. It seems like I ask her daily what the point of doing her homework is if she's not going to turn it in and GET THE CREDIT. She'll get my point, someday, right? RIGHT? *scared that she'll turn out just like me*

Matt keeps busy in his rockin' cool kindergartener-ness. His teacher made me tear up a little bit at his conference a while back. She said that he's the sweetest, most tender hearted boy in the class, and is always going out of the way to help the kids that have disabilities. The other kids had started off ostracising the two little boys, but Matthew took them under his wing and NOBODY dares pick on the boys now. When they try, Matt tells them that they have to be nice to HIS friends. *pride* He spends every waking moment that he can with his best buddy, Ryan, who lives next door. I swear, sometimes it seems like he eats more meals over at Ryan's house than he does here. Meh, at least he's eating, right? (I should probably pitch in on Trish's grocery bill, though!)

Brian is pushin' on at work. He's the head of Wing Training, and makes sure that all the airmen go through their required courses to keep up on...AirForcey stuff. It's not his dream job, but he's working toward that. Hopefully he'll be able to go to one of the courses that's required for him to be able to DO his dream job, in February. If he does he'll be gone the entire four weeks. It'll suck being without him, but he'll be taking that next step to be able to do what he really wants. Seeing that pride in himself and satisfaction in what he's doing will be worth it. He's also been doing the Mr. Mom thing quite a bit, since I'm on such an insane schedule at work. On the nights when I have to work late he's the one making sure they eat, making sure homework is done, trying to prevent fights, coralling toward bed, answering the incessant..."Daddy, I want you!" Yeah, he loves it.

As for what's going on with me...I was promoted to team lead back in April, and since then I work a rotating schedule each week. First week is 7-4, next is 8-5, all the way to 1-10. The late shift SUCKS, thankfully, one of the other leads hates coming in early so we trade quite frequently. Especially lately. Starting next week, though, I'll be supervising a team of contracted employees. (Nice speak for TEMPS.) This will be my first time supervising a team, so it's great for my resume. I'm not worried, since it's pretty much everything that I'm doing right now, it's just people that don't know me. And in all reality, it's probably easier with people that don't know me as opposed to the people on my team right now that went through training with me. It was unnerving at first, going from peer to leader and staying on the same team. I'll be supervising this contract employee team for their full time with the company, and once they leave at the end of January I'll likely be leaving as well.

This was a really hard decision to come to. I absolutely love my job, and was really looking forward to applying for the supervisor position that's coming open. However, what with the issues of Catey not turning in her work, Beth thinking that it's OK to float through life like a dumb blonde, and Matt's whining...it's time for me to be back at home. They're adding a 2-11 schedule at the end of December as well, and the new supervisor is going to be required to work that shift for the first 6 months. That's just not feasable for our family. Brian has also essentially put his career on hold so I could work. The few times he's gone anywhere has only been for a short period, and we've had to ask friends and neighbors to help with the kid roundups when I couldn't make it home from work in time. Now that my sister has moved away I have even less support, and don't want to take atvantage of neighbors. So since Brian is going to a new training course for February and I need to go back to WA for a visit in March, January 31 seems like the perfect "quit date." A few people at work know already, but I'm keeping it on the quietish side. I still want to do this contract employee supervisor thing, and I know I'll do well. I don't want to give my manager a reason to think that I'd give it anything less than 100%. (And I'm REALLY not looking forward to telling her about it.)

So what do I plan on doing with myself once I quit? Matt will be back at home with me in the mornings, since he'll no longer be in daycare, so we'll do the general housework & laundry, and go on mom & boy dates before school. While he & the girls are in school I'm going to start working on my photography again. My hope is to do "living portraiture" and stock photography. I'm setting up some shoots with some co-workers so I can use their photos in my portfolio. This summer we'll hit the museums & library, have campouts in the backyard and do the things that we really missed this past summer. As much as I love my job and I know I'll miss it, I'm really looking forward to being a stay-at-home mom who's never home again.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...now you're pretty much all caught up. One of my goals is to get back to blogging, at least once a week. Most of the time it feels like I have nothing to say, but the words pour out anyway. I don't even know if anybody reads this blog anymore, but it really isn't the point. I need to get that part of myself out again. I was seeing a therapist for a while but it seemed like everything she & I talked about is something I've blogged about in the past. Might as well just put it "on paper."

Anyway...I need wine. And I think there's part of a bottle of Cranberry Bog left over from Thanksgiving that's calling my name. YAY WINE!!!

I love books.

2008-06-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the public library is great in theory, but I never have time to get down there. Besides, I always end up having an anxiety attack in the library. The same for big bookstores. I can't do it. It's too cluttered. (As I guiltily glance at the clutter here on my desk. Apparently my own clutter isn't as bad as public clutter.)

Anyway, I haven't indulged my love of books recently, so I went on a mini-spree on Amazon today. Somehow I managed to keep it under $100, yay me!!!

So here's my reading for the summer, to be read in the order I receive them...

OK, so I ordered Breaking Dawn a while ago, but it's not due for release until August. One of the girls at work got me hooked on the series though, and since I don't get to look forward to any more Harry Potter books, this was a great substitute. It's about a girl that moves to Washington (*sigh, I miss those trees!*) to live with her dad. She meets an unusual family, and falls in love with one of the boys. Come to find out, he's not quite human. Adventures ensue, and now we're waiting on book four, the last one. Stephanie Meyer is an incredible writer, and has a knack of drawing you into the story so you feel like you're really in the forest.

It seems like the plot will be more of the same old feel good chick movie, but the reviews were great. The lead character wakes up one day and only remembers her past, not what's going on in her life now. It's been done so many times before, and so many of those attempts were worn out and trite, but hopefully this journey on the same path will be different. HOPEFULLY.

I read Baby Proof from Emily Griffin, and it was cute. Not too deep, but a different take on the eternal conundrum of the working woman, whether or not she really wants kids, and what she's willing to give up to stick to her guns. I like books that come from a vastly different point of view, even if they are a bit shallowly written. This one is taking the view of looking back on what could have been. Who out of all of us has never wondered what would have happened if we had stayed with that one person?

I loved The Devil Wears Prada. I was a vicarious New Yorker when I read it. That was enough to get me to read Chasing Harry Winston.

Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass LookBig, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer

Seriously, with such a fabulous title, why WOULDN'T a pretty, fat, narcissistic chick want to read it? Besides, the note that she's got on Amazon just speaks to me.

"To whom the fat rolls…I'm tired of books where a self-loathing heroine is teased to the point where she starves herself skinny in hopes of a fabulous new life. And I hate the message that women can't possibly be happy until we all fit into our skinny jeans. I don't find these stories uplifting; they make me want to hug these women and take them out for fizzy champagne drinks and cheesecake and explain to them that until they figure out their insides, their outsides don't matter. Unfortunately, being overweight isn't simply a societal issue that can be fixed with a dose healthy of positive self-esteem. It’s a health matter, and here on the eve of my fortieth year, I've learned I have to make changes so I don't, you know, die. Because what good if finally being able to afford a pedicure if I lose a foot to adult onset diabetes?"

I soooooooo can't wait to read this book!!!

Gossip of the Starlings is going to be my serious read for the summer. It's getting great reviews, and it hits in an area that's coming up in my life. Teenagers, drugs, peers...the joys I get to look forward to now that I have a pre-teen.

I try not to judge books by their covers, but I'll absolutely pick one up for a great title. (As evidenced above!) So when I saw the title on this one, I had to get it. Besides, Chelsea Handler has left me in fits of giggles before, I love her. I love what one of my other favorite writers has to say about Chelsea, "Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." It's just so wrong in all the right ways!!!

I can't wait to come home and check the mail over the next few weeks!!!!

For James

2008-06-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

I found all of these on one day out & about when we lived in Okinawa. I wish I had had my camera with me the other times I found butt-vacuums, I don't think any two are the same!

"The cigarette butts are always more noticeable when I'm walking my dog."

"Inhaled. Burned. Thrown away. If it were anything but a cigarette, it would surely be crying."

"Smoke is billowing from a stand ashtray. If it were my home, I wouldn't be so calm."

"My cigarette always points toward others, never toward myself."

I wonder if there's a deeper meaning here...

2008-06-02T20:59:00.001-07:00

We were adopted by another cat this weekend, raising our familial feline count to the nice round number of THREE.

On Saturday I was on my way home from work, talking to Brian on my cell phone, and as he walked to the front door he said, "Hey, there's a dead cat on our porch! No....um....wait, it's resurrected, nevermind." The poor cat was just grabbing a nap wherever it could. He stepped outside and the cat started winding it's way around Brian's legs. Animal lover that Brian is, he gave the cat some food and said to the cat, "I shall call you SKELETOR!"

I got home a few minutes later and found the cat laying under the neighbor's truck. I sat down to check Skeletor out, and we visited for a few minutes. I got up to walk away, and the cat has been following me like the PuppyCat he really is ever since.

This cat is seriously the saddest, most pathetic animal I've ever come across while it was still alive. he had to have been loved in his life, because he's great with everybody. He even lets Matt dance with him. He's not afraid of dogs at all, and only hisses and backs away from my other cats, which tells me that they'll all warm up to each other in no time. But SO SKINNY. We could count the ribs, and see the vertebra poking out of his back, and his hipbones jutting out. It's just heartbreaking that somebody could love an animal like that and just abandon it, helpless.

As we were getting to know each other I gave the cat a good checkover to see if there were any injuries that needed immediate attention, and I realized, "wow, Skelator is a girl." Now, as cool a name as Skeletor is for a cat, it's just not a name for a GIRL cat. So I started thinking about what kind of name would suit this sweet little girl that was purring her way into our hearts. She's just so freakin' SKINNY. Sack of Bones just doesn't suit her, though. She looks anorexic. Hm...Annie-rexic. That's just kinda funny..."I shall call you ANNIE!" And Annie she is..

Now here's where the deeper meaning comes in...

Our boy cats are named after food. Queso and Carne. In essence, my boys are Cheese and Meat. Caitlin says that if you put them together you have a Cheeseburger.

I have just named my new cat after an eating disorder.

Um...Yeah...

And I'm overweight.

Dude, we've got issues.

Because there can never be too many pictures of my monkeys...

2007-07-09T17:36:00.001-07:00

DANG, I make cute kids...

Ever the princess, charming for the camera.

I can't get her to take a serious picture. Ever.

My not so little monkey boy...

My first baby is 10 today!

2007-06-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

I can't believe she's 10 already. Where is the baby that was all cuddled up in my arms, sound asleep and smiling, just a few days ago? She's a...a....

TWEEN!!!! Now is when the fun really starts, isn't it?

And in other Bethany news, last week when she was baking cupcakes she came outside to tell me that they were ready to go in the oven, and the wind caught the front door as she was coming out and slammed her finger. A lot of blood, screaming, and six stitches later...

The entire nail had to be removed, and the entire fingertip, from halfway between the top knuckle and the cuticle all the way up is just shattered. The doctor put the nail back on to stabilize the healing, but it will fall off when the stitches come off next week.

She's doing really well now, and only takes the Lortab Elixir at night, and gets herself some ibuprofen if it starts hurting during the day. She doesn't want to be taking a lot of medicine, she says, so she only takes it when it REALLY hurts.

Um...OW....

2007-05-27T13:38:00.001-07:00

A dream came true this past Friday, May 25. We could call it a day late anniversary gift, if it didn't cause so much freakin' pain.

I had a breast reduction.

I have always been well loaded in the front, since jr. high. Kids and gaining weight didn't help the matter. I have gone from a 44 J to a 44 C (theoretically, still waiting for them to get to the right size & shape). I will now be able to exercise without excruciating back pain, and will finally be able to lose all this weight.

But right now, all I can think through my Lortab haze is

OW.

TWELVE EYES!!!

2007-05-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

All three of my monkeys have glasses now. And it only improves on their cuteness!! Now if I can just teach them to STOP squishing their glasses up on the lenses we'll be set.

Oh, and I cut Catey's hair all by myself. I'm getting my hands on Bethany's mop tomorrow.

Catey rockin' her new glasses!!

2007-05-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

I love these on her, they SOOOOO fit her personality!!!

And I'll give you TWO guesses as to who else is getting glasses. Geez, we've dropped a pretty penny on eye care this week.

Help name our new cat!

2007-05-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

His current name is Poopycat, thanks to his previous owners. I'm not too fond of the name. He's a huge tuxedo cat, probably close to 15 lbs. We brought him home this afternoon and he's still hiding under my bed. Hopefully he'll relax enough to come out soon!

Names up for contention are currently:
Frank Sinatra
James Bond
Pussy Galore (for a boy?)
Armani
Giorgio
Moondoggie (Moonkitty?) since we already have a Gidget

Any more suggestions?

I can't wait fo rJune 7th!!!

2007-05-06T08:42:00.000-07:00

Since the girls and Kerrie were all born in June I'm taking them to see Wicked for their birthdays. It's the day after Catey & Kerrie's birthdays. They have no idea, only Kerrie knows that she needs to take that day off.

I got our tickets in the mail, and they're tucked away safely. I had planned on getting balcony seats, MUCH cheaper, but the only seats left in any of the shows were orchestra seats. The only seats left together were the ones I got for our show. I am GIDDY with excitement! Orchestra seating, row H, seats 107-110, RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE. And since it's a 1:30 show, we'll have plenty of time for the girls to hopefully be able to meet the cast, and we'll head out for dinner afterward. They're probably going to know every single song, we listen to the soundtrack in the van all.the.time. ;)

I thought about taking Matthew as well, but I don't think he'd enjoy it as much as the girls will. I'll have a friend watch him that day and he'll have fun playing with her little girl.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

April 19, 1995, 9:02 AM

2007-04-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

Oklahoma City was changed forever.

I can see the downtown skyline from my neighborhood. As I was outside with Matt this afternoon I looked out over the skyline and pictured the smoke rising in the clear blue sky. It was chilling, to say the least. My heart aches for the families who were robbed of their loved ones. 168 people died that day, 19 were children.

The Oklahoma City National Memorial

Bethany's turn

2007-04-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

I need to figure out how to do the color without messing with pixelation. Her eyes look kind of grainy to me. I still love it, though.

I've been playing

2007-04-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

This is the photo we used to model Catey's new teeth. I played with it this evening and I love how it turned out.

Bricks are not for eating.

2007-04-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

So we spent a lovely 6+ hours in not one, but TWO ER's on Easter Sunday.

My friend Shannon & her daughter had arrived at our house and all four kids were roughhousing in the living room. They got too close to the fireplace and next thing I hear "THWAP!" (yep, just like that) and Caitlin started screaming.

I ran to her and saw that she was holding her mouth. With blood pouring from between her fingers.

Brian got her into the bathroom and spitting blood into the sink, and I glimpsed her teeth in the mirror. My poor baby's front teeth were broken.

So Shannon stayed with the kids and the roasting turkey, and off we went to the nearest ER. Brian sat in the back with Catey and I managed to drive without speeding.

Got to the first ER and by then the bleeding had stopped. They checked to be sure she didn't need any stitches (punctured her lip, thankfully, not a big cut) and gave her some Motrin for the pain, and sent us up to Children's Hospital where there's an on-call dentist. Trip to the first ER, just over an hour and a half.

We had been told that they'd have the on-call dentist there & waiting for us when we got there. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Nothing is ever that easy when it comes to ER's. We had to do the whole check-in/triage thing, and they sent in a regular pediatrician. FINALLY, they CALL the dentist, who must live over an hour away. After waiting for two hours she finally arrived. I swear she was about 16 years old.

She did a lot of tapping & poking to make sure no other teeth were damaged, then finally put some white composite filling on the two teeth that were broken. The third tooth that was damaged was only knocked looser and was a baby tooth, so we're just going to let that one fall out.

We went to a follow-up dentist on Monday, and they did x-rays. The two teeth that were broken were permanent teeth, so we were pretty concerned. PRAISE GOD!!! There's no additional damage to the roots of her teeth, and the roots are still forming so they should keep on keeping on. YAY!!! Just because my child was BORN in Oklahoma doesn't mean she needs to look like a gap-toothed Oklahoman. She'll still need braces later on down the line, but we knew that before all of this happened.

We were so blessed and lucky in ALL of this. Her permanent teeth were only half grown in. If they had been completely grown in it's likely that they would have been broken all the way up into the gums. The baby tooth was already loose, so there shouldn't be any damage to the permanent tooth that's forming behind it.

The part that I had (and still have nightmares about) the hardest time with is the "couldabeens" in the whole situation. If she had hit her head instead of her teeth she could have cracked her skull, or worse. If she had hit her chin and forced her head back she could have broken her neck. If she had been just a few inches over to the left and hit her eye she could have been blinded. Teeth are easily fixable. Her life is irreplaceable. It was so hard to NOT lose it in front of her when the reality of what COULD have happened hit me.

Needless to say, at bedtime that night I brought the girls into the living room and sat them down by the hearth to make it clear what COULD have happened (hopefully without scaring them TOO much) and try to get through to them, yet again, why it's so dangerous to play rough right next to the fireplace. Hopefully it worked.

The hearth where she whacked herself. You can see how close she was to the corner.
Those white spots aren't just part of the brick. It's pulverized tooth.

The left was completely a powder, not even a grit. The right was a chip. The rest of the pulverized teeth ended up in the sink.

All warm & fuzzy!

2007-04-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

If this doesn't make you all gooey and lovey then there's something wrong with you. You must have a heart of stiblah.

Parenting is the most heartbreaking job on earth.

2007-04-04T12:22:00.000-07:00

Catey is my more emotional child out of the three. This morning, about 10 minutes after all the kids left for school she came running back in the house just SOBBING. It took me a few minutes and a lot of questioning, but I finally got her to tell me what was wrong.

I was worried that the big girls were picking on her the way to school. No. She misses her grandpa & great-grandma. She's re-written the events of the weekend in her mind and has fabricated this story that grandpa did all sorts of great things with her over the weekend. (Far from it, the lazy ass. He hardly spoke to the kids.) Her great grandma helped her with her chores, so she did get a kick out of that. But she's also decided that they left in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to her. UM, NO. They DROVE her to school on Monday morning and dropped her off.

So I got her settled down and drove her to school, and got a phone call from the school secretary half an hour later saying that Catey was in there just sobbing and she wanted to talk to me. It was the grandparents thing again. So I told her I'd come to the school and give her a big hug, but it was her job to go to school and learn and I needed her to do that.

Got to the school and she wasn't crying anymore, until I started talking to her while I was hugging on her. Then she started in on the whole missing grandma & grandpa thing again. Got her settled down again & walked her to class, & she was hanging onto my arm for dear life all the way down to her class.

I went in to talk to her teacher and Amy (the teacher) said that Catey's not been acting like herself for a week to a week and a half now. She told me some of the things she's been doing and the stories that Catey has fabricated. I explained to her the situation of the weekend, and that Catey's grandparents have split up but that they don't want us talking to the kids about it (yeah, that's out the door, we're having a big talk tonight). I also told her that Brian is deploying soon for several months and that he recently told Catey about it. *ding*ding*ding* Her acting up started when he told her that he's deploying.

I'm sitting here crying because my heart is hurting so badly for her. She's afraid that Brian is going to leave without saying goodbye and not ever come back. She doesn't know how to deal with that so she's projecting it onto her grandparents.

Amy said that she'd have lunch with Caitlin once a week from now until the end of the school year, just to give her some special one on one time. And I'm going to have Brian do some special one on one things with the kids, too. I'm going to find a Build a Bear workshop so they can go make a special Daddy animal that they can love on when they're missing him. I'm already planning lots of stuff to keep us busy through the summer, and I believe Cindy is planning on coming down sometime this summer as well.

Good lord this is killing me. Why does parenthood have to break your heart so much?

And this, my friends, is why Alanis is a genius.

2007-04-02T14:08:00.001-07:00

2007-03-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

I took these last week and played with b/w yesterday. I'm getting them printed out in 8x10, matted & framed for the living room.

Some good friends have been encouraging me to take my photography to some shows. I think I'm going to look into it. I'd love to be able to do this as a supplemental income.

Sometime this week or next I'm going to be doing maternity photos of another friend. I told her I'd do it for free as long as I get to use her images in a portfolio.

And hey, any excuse to get the new Photoshop! :D

Why I am up at 2:52AM when I have to be up at 6

2007-03-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

When we went to bed last night Brian kept hopping out of bed, swearing that it sounded like somebody was trying to break into the house. I pointed out that 1) the dryer was running and 2) the house alarm was ON so if somebody were to actually break in we'd definitely know about it so he finally relaxed enough and went to sleep.

But since he opened his big mouth I kept hearing things. At 2 I heard one of the dogs crying so I got up to let her out. The cat slipped out with her, so I had to go chase him all over the back yard. Did I mention it rained a LOT yesterday, and I was in bare feet? Niiiiiice. Came back in and realized that Gidget wasn't in her normal sleeping place. So I hunted all over the house for her. No dog.

Looked in the garage. No dog.

But I heard her crying, and realized that it was HER crying that woke me up.

The dork had gotten closed into the pantry. With the trash can. I hope she enjoyed herself, because she's certainly not going to enjoy the shits she'll have tomorrow.

And now my moron cat is doing gymnastics all over the living room.

And now I can't go back to bed, because I'll lay there anticipating either a dog crying to go back outside or Bubzilla crawling into bed with me to burrow on me.

In exciting news, however, I'm enrolling Matthew in pre-kindergarten tomorrow!!! YAAAAAAAAAY for school!!!!

A story for Gina.

2007-02-10T21:15:00.000-08:00

Since we love Spring Chickens & all...

My best friend was over, yet again, not long before Christmas. She was sitting on the love seat in my living room with her leg tucked under her. I was a few feet away, sitting on the sofa. In the midst of random chat, she said, "My leg is asleep and it's REALLY bugging me."

Being the kind, wonderful best friend that I am, I decided to do her a favor. I was going to wake up her leg. By yelling "WAKE UP!" at her leg. So I leaned down, face to knee, and yelled, "WAKE UP!!!"

Only the English language as a whole sometimes manages to defeat me.

So instead, I yelled, "B-GOK!"

Yes, I clucked at my best friend's knee.

Brian got me a round kitchen clock for Christmas. It has a rooster on it. He labeled it, "To Meagan, Love: The English Language."

Kerrie sends me text messages.

B GOK

They're so mean to me. I should trade them in.

Babies and holes in my head.

2007-02-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

Somebody, anybody, in my life needs to have a baby for me. I will not be having any more babies, but I'm craving some baby right now. And I have been for a long while. It's a physical craving. Which pretty much makes sense, because after I had Bethany I got pregnant again with Catey when she was 2. I got pregnant with Matt when Catey was 3. Matt is 3 now, and no more babies. I need to cuddle a little bundle of sweetness, to be able to kiss a sweet smelling head. I'll draw the line at breastfeeding somebody else's kid, though, even though I miss that, too.

Unfortunately, all of my pregnant girlfriends aren't due until late spring/early summer. I'd go volunteer to rock babies in the NICU, but I've got Matt here and can't take him with me.

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed BABY-LOVE!!!!

I got some new holes yesterday. :D Brian still doesn't know, I'm not going to tell him. I got my nose pierced and my tongue re-pierced. (It was pierced way back in '01, but I had to take it out for a dental appointment on September 10. Was going to go get it put back in the next day, but, well, we all know what happened on the 11th.) The nose piercing was suprisingly NOT painful, and still doesn't hurt at all. I felt the needle go in, but it didn't hurt. It was wierd feeling it go through my nostril and into the cork I had stuck up my nose, though. I didn't even feel the needle go through when I got my tongue done. It's a little sore now, because, well, you put a 14 guage post through a major muscle and tell me if you're not sore. It's healing fast, though. I was talking to Kerrie on the phone last night and told her that I had gotten it done, and she said that I didn't sound at all like I had just gotten pierced. Yeah, that's cause I'm a PRO!

It was kind of funny when I went in to the studio to get it done. I was talking to the piercer about my tat, about how I want to eventually get it touched up so the fairy girl isn't quite so sexual. (It's supposed to be a child.) His co-worker came in and he told the co-worker about my tat, and that I had gotten it in Okinawa. He told the co-worker that I was getting pierced, and the co-worker said, "You getting your nipples done?"

HUH?

I told him, no, not today, but I've thought about it. I'm too much of a wuss though. And he said to me, "You look like a mom that would like her nipples pierced."

HUH?

What exactly makes me look like a mom that would like her nipples pierced? Not to say that I wouldn't, because someday I might. But what about me says "yeah, I like poking needles through random body parts!" Apparently I give off the vibe that I'm REALLY comfortable with my body. Which I guess is a good thing.

I guess I started to black out, too. A good 5 minutes AFTER the needlework was done, and everything was in, the piercer was going over after care and reached over to grab my shoulders and make me lay down. I guess I got reeeaally pale, really fast. All I remember is getting crazy hot pretty suddenly, and finding myself laying down in a heavy sweat. Yeah, apparently I'm a wuss...

Almost as good as the movie.

2007-01-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

Yeah. SWWWWEEEET just doesn't cover it. ;)

I know I locked the doors!!

2007-01-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

After I got the kids settled in to bed tonight, I decided to take a shower. I locked all the doors, set the alarm, and stepped into hot, steamy, clean bliss. I took a niiiiiiiice long shower, since that's the only time I ever get to take a niiiiiiiice long shower. I got out of the shower and dried off. I put on my robe. I combed my hair. (You enjoy reading my routine, don't you? Good, I thought you would.)

So when I was all squeaky clean & dry, I came back out in the living room.

Now, from the living room you can look directly into Matthew's room.

He wasn't in his bed. So I figured he was in my bed and I just missed him.

He wasn't in my bed.

He wasn't in Bethany's bed. Or Catey's. I couldn't find the child anywhere in the house, and the alarm had never gone off so I didn't THINK he had made it out the door. So I checked the girls' rooms again.

He was asleep on the floor in Bethany's room, not viewable from the door. *whew* Apparently he had been crying while I was in the shower (gee, how's that for a guilt trip?) and Bethany made up a little bed for him with blankets on the floor next to her bed, and told him to come sleep in her room. AAAAAAAAAWWWWW, she can be such a sweet big sister when she wants to be.

Now I have to try to get him back in to his bed, so he's not waking up at 6 AM with her. Fun.

How many times...

2007-01-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

Will I set off the alarm before I learn my lessons?

We're getting the house alarm activated today. Brian's Jeep was broken into on the 1st, and there have been a LOT of home robberies over the last month. Our builder agreed to pay for a year of security, we just hadn't bothered getting it set up until now.

We'll see... the alarm guy is here right now.

The world is about to end.

2007-01-03T22:11:00.000-08:00

That whole, "I'm quitting caffeine" thing? Yeah, didn't work. I've started drinking coffee again. Only not Air-Force-Grade-Sludge like Brian makes. It's GOOD I-Grew-Up-In-the-Coffee-Snob-Capitol-And-I'm-Not-Ashamed-to-Admit-It coffee. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM........coffee....

But I'm out of coffee.

The kids are asleep.

It's after midnight and I'm just now realizing I'm out of coffee.

We have to get up early to go to the doctor.

I'm out of COFFEEEEEE....

Yep. The world is gonna end.

It just figures.

2007-01-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

Bethany got sick with the nasty cough/cold that's been going around, right before Christmas. She's just now getting over it. She kindly passed it on to Matthew, and he's within a few days of being over it. Catey was next in line, and is at the peak. She took a THREE hour nap this afternoon. Brian got it too, he's on probably day five of it. And now I'm getting it. Fever, chills, burning raw throat, and soon I'll have the sinus drainage that tears up the throat and leaves you coughing nonstop.

Yeah, families get sick together all the time. But WE manage to get sick right when Daddy is leaving for six weeks. YAY! (*sniff sniff* Smell that? It's sarcasm.) Brian left for NCO Academy today.

I hate having to deal with sick kids when I'm sick myself, and nobody is home to give me a break. I'm always afraid something is going to happen and I'm not going to be able to deal with it. Which, in our home, is inevitable. I've got my best friend just around the corner from us, but she's working 70 hours a week.

Ugh. This is going to suuuuuuuuuuck. Brian had better get that Levitow and make all this worth it. ;)

Tuscan Traffic Light

2006-12-29T18:21:00.000-08:00

We've been painting, and it's FUN.

I like color, LOTS of color. So we've been working on the dining room and the kitchen. It's almost finished, I've got to drybrush the glaze on tomorrow. It's called Coffee Bean, how perfect is that?

But right now, the red and gold are VIBRANT. The pictures don't do them justice...

Rest In Peace, Pete.

2006-12-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

A good friend that I met online, Brenda, lost her husband today. He's been struggling for a long time. He came home from the first Iraq War incredibly ill from all the oil fires and has been going downhill steadily since then.

Brenda and Pete have two little girls, the same age as my girls. Two little girls that are going to have to grow up without their daddy. He won't be there to comfort their first broken hearts. When they get married, he won't be there to give them away. All they'll have is the memory of a daddy who was sick for the majority of their short childhoods.

Because she's on disability and has been taking care of Pete full time, Brenda wasn't able to keep up on the life insurance premiums. The VA says that his illness wasn't due to the oil fires, so they're saying that they're not going to pay up either. So essentially, Brenda is left with nothing. She's got people that are going to help her fight the VA, but she already knows it's a losing battle.

I was chatting with Bren last night in IM, and she was her usual incredible, strong, beautiful self. She told me about how Pete mouthed I Love You to her, since he couldn't talk, and then a few minutes later told her to f*** off because she wouldn't let him die at home. ;) (They had just recently moved and she didn't want their new home to be the place where daddy died, for her girls.) I know she's going to be OK, because that's just who she is. But being OK doesn't stop the ache, or the missing the person you love the most in the world, or the ache for your children in their loss.

Any prayers at all for Brenda and her girls are most definitely appreciated, and needed.

Be well, Pete. Godspeed.

It's true!

2006-12-17T20:26:00.000-08:00

I really do have the cutest kids on the face of the planet. These are the photos that I'm putting in our Christmas cards that I REALLY WILL mail out before June. I might even get them out before Christmas! (And if you're reading this and you HAVE my email address, send me your mailing address so I can send you a card. Yes, that means YOU James and Roni.)

That's got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

2006-11-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

My grandparents were here visiting this weekend. I love my grandparents. Really I do. But they are also part of the reason I've been away from the church for so long. The way that the Southside congregation acted toward me, especially particular members of the congregation that I looked to as role models of Christianity, when I was pregnant with Bethany was also a key factor in me staying away for so long.

So, I had already been planning on going back to church this past weekend. There's a friend of Bethany's that goes to a CoC and her mother invited us and told me about the congregation, and I liked what I heard. So going was already a non-issue. Having Grandma & Grandpa here just made it a little easier, since they were already going.

Over the weekend I had opened up to Grandpa a little bit about why I had stopped going, and explained that I'm finally getting my head around the fact that not every congregation is like Southside, and it was a few particular members that did what they did, not the entire church. I didn't tell him about his own role in why I quit going, because it just wasn't worth the debate. I made it clear, though, that it's my own issue that I have to work through, and just because he wants me to be redeemed, he can't do it for me and he can't force me. He didn't like that too much. ;)

Anyway, as they were leaving yesterday morning, he came to me and said, "I just want you to remember, people aren't perfect, but the CHURCH OF CHRIST IS PERFECT."

OK, I understand what he was trying to get at, but that's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It took everything I had to not say so, too.

No, people aren't perfect. But neither is the church. Because the church is a gathering of people, teaching their OWN interpretation of the Bible. Yes, the church teaches the closest to what I believe, and that's why I'm coming back to the church after 10 years away instead of to a community church or Baptist. But come on, really. I pointed out that the only true perfection is that of Christ, and God's ideals. But he kept going on and on about how every single thing that the church teaches is absolute perfection.

ERGH.

It's closed-minded judgemental bigotry like that that drives people away! It makes me so angry when members of the church condemn others for not believing exactly what they do. Rather than beating their chests, proclaiming the greatness of the church (and their own greatness since they're members of the church), why can't they just let their faith shine by their works?

The biggest reason I'm so drawn to this particular congregation that we went to on Sunday is because of their outreach programs. They've got a Mom's Day Out (YAY!), a food pantry, job assistance, not to mention the approximately 12 mission support programs. There were two small sermons on Sunday, since the Cross & Crown leader was giving an update on the Thanksgiving outreach, and something that he said really struck me.

The text was John 21: 1-19. The part that he was focusing on the most was vs. 15-17:

15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these? Yes, Lord, he said, you know that I love you. Jesus said, Feed my lambs.

16 Again Jesus said, Simon son of John, do you truly love me? He answered, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you. Jesus said, Take care of my sheep.

17 The third time he said to him, Simon son of John, do you love me? Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, Do you love me? He said, Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you. Jesus said, Feed my sheep.

He went on to talk about how we can take the text literally or figuratively, and it going to work it's way around to the other side eventually. If we reach out to the community to feed them, to provide from the food pantry or Thanksgiving outreach baskets, they'll see our faith through our works without our having to say a word about it, and they'll be drawn by our works. If we reach out to the community to feed them figuratively (such as praying with the families that come to the food pantry, each time more in depth and with caring instead of nosiness) we'll end up feeding them literally as well, either sharing meals with them, through outreach programs, or any other way. It felt so RIGHT to be in a congregation that teaches a caring outreach, with the mindset of, "how may we serve you?" rather than, "You must believe as we do or you will burn burn burn burn BURN!!!"

It's a little frustrating that right when I find a congregation that I'm comfortable with, we're going to miss the next two weeks. We're leaving on Saturday to go visit Brian's family, and won't be back until early Sunday morning the week after. Since we're driving through the night Brian and I will be too tired to go to church that day. So it will be the 2nd of December before we go back to church. It's hard enough to get Brian to go, but he says he'll do his best to keep going with us. He knows it means a lot to me, so I think he'll keep going. He's agreed to it anyway, we'll see.

Sorry this was so rambling. I'm still getting my thoughts situated. ;)

How do you tell a completely oblivious person that you don't want to be involved in their drama?

2006-11-07T15:29:00.000-08:00

There's this guy, D, that used to be stationed in Okinawa with us. DH ran into him a while back, and stupidly gave the guy our number. D is socially inept and has no sense of personal hygiene. He's a sad, dirty, pathetic puppy, and for some reason he really likes us.

Somehow he managed to get a woman to sleep with him and got her pregnant, and now they're married. He called a few weeks ago and wanted to introduce us to his wife, and somehow it turned into me inviting them over for dinner. I'm still not sure how that happened. I did my best to be nice and polite to them, but finally had to tell them, "look, not to kick you out or anything, but it's after 11 and we really need to get to bed."

I hate talking on the phone, so I haven't gone out of my way to call them. I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to be involved in their drama. (Her ex is taking the kid to England for 6 months.) I've got enough crap going on in my own life and trying to help my sis with what's going on in her life.

So today D called and started rambling. "I should know better than to give messages to your DH to pass on, he obviously hasn't told you anything that I asked him to. So yeah, N (his wife) is starting to freak out, she's realizing that Little Guy is leaving for England soon and I don't know what to do about it. She really needs a friend. Can you just hang out with her and reassure her, take her with you when you go run your errands & stuff?"

NO!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO!!!! she kind of gives me the creeps to begin with!

So like an idiot, what do I say? "Well, I'll do my best, I'll do what I can. But you need to understand that I do have three kids and I'm rarely home, I don't have a lot of time."

How do I tell them, without being a hurtful asshole, that I don't want to be involved in their drama, much less their lives? Why can't the fact that WE DIDN'T GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH HIM WHEN WE GOT HERE BE ENOUGH OF A SIGN THAT WE DON'T WANT TO BE IN TOUCH?

Yes. I am a jerk. I know.

Are you voting today?

2006-11-07T07:15:00.000-08:00

For the first time since I registered to vote on my 18th birthday, I am not voting. What with moving and getting settled in and being an out of state voter, I just didn't have time to learn about the issues on ballot in Iowa. It feels WEIRD to not be standing in line waiting to vote this morning.

I'll be thrilled when this whole voting thing is over though. I'm sick of all the political recorded phone calls at 7:30 in the morning on WEEKENDS, and of course at dinnertime. I can't even get revenge by giving Matthew the phone, it's a stupid recording.

In other news, I am TIRED. Exciting, eh? It would be great if I could get in bed and ASLEEP before 10 PM. Especially since Matt's been climbing into bed with us every morning at 4 AM. I love having him in bed with us, all cuddly and sweet, but I'm having a hard time falling BACK to sleep. *sob* I wish he'd take naps so I could get a nap. (Hey, why isn't the font going back?) He's on my bed right now watching cartoons. Maybe I'll climb back into bed with him and cuddle him and catch a nap while he learns his letters and numbers of the day. This nap was brought to you by the letters S, L, EE, and P!

MMMMMMM.......chicken nuggets anybody?

2006-10-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

So I had surgery on my ankle yesterday. Dr. Henry Rollins excised a cyst the size of a chicken nugget. YUM!!
It's hard to tell in these pics, but my ankle was huge. So big that my actual ankle bone was lost underneath.

The incision is over two inches long.

MMMMMM.....doesn't that look TASTY?

MMMMMMMM......Punk Doctor

2006-10-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

I'm having surgery on my ankle tomorrow and my doctor looks like Henry Rollins.

I hope he didn't notice the lusty stare every time he walked into the room. Good lord that man is hot!

OK, OK, I'll post!

2006-09-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

We're here! We've been in the house about a month, but only had dial up for the first few weeks. No way in the world was I going to try to do anything beyond check email and bank accounts on dial up. Now we've got DSL, and we're good.

Life has been hectic since we moved in. The girls are back in school, and it's a struggle. Even though I got them caught up during homeschool last year to where they should have been in the DoDDS system, they're still really behind here. So homework takes forever. They're also enrolled in soccer. I'M A SOCCER MOM IN A MINI-VAN!!! My BIL says I should get a soccer ball tattooed on my butt, because, "Soccer moms kick ass!" :D We have practices on Monday and Friday evenings for Catey, and Friday evening and Sunday afternoons for Bethany. Soccer games on Saturdays, thank God they're at the same field. I'm praying that the games will be close to each other in times, so we're not having to stay the whole day at the field on the other side of town. Oh, and random scrimmages in there too. ERGH.

So we got here on August 14, and two weeks later the in-laws came down for a visit. On the day our stuff from storage was delivered. So they helped us unpack, then we painted the living room. It's greeeeeeeeeen in here, I love it. (Pictures to come soon, I promise.) It was a long weekend, rough at times (my FIL and I aren't exactly the best of friends), but good in the long run. Cindy brought me half a garden worth of veggies, YUM.

The week after they left, our unaccompanied baggage was delivered. Mostly bedding, dishes, towels, cookware. Had I known that the last of our stuff isn't going to be delivered utnil OCTOBER 19 (sob) I'd have sent more. Yes, that's right, October 19. We packed out on August 5. Our furniture is on the slow boat to China by way of Antarctica.

LAST week, we got a call on Wednesday that Grandpa Jim, my MIL's father, had taken a bad fall, broken his right femur, and almost died en route to the hospital. So after a quick pow-wow, Brian and I decided to make a quick weekend trip up to Iowa to see Grandpa. We haven't been up to Iowa in four years, it was time. It was a great weekend, but LONG. Grandpa is doing much better, and was even moved to a nursing home near the VA hospital yesterday. And hey, Iowa beat Iowa State, so Grandpa was in a great mood. To make his mood even better, he FINALLY got to meet his first great-grandson. Two peas in a pod, they are! :D

So we're home now. We got home really late Tuesday night, and I'm still exhausted. I've been running ever since we got home. Doctor on Wednesday morning, vet yesterday morning, DirecTV today. (Yay, we have more than three channels!!) Add that to trying to get the house cleaned up, the suitcase unpacked, laundry caught up, and trying to get Matt into a better mood. Oh, and I started digging the sod out of the front flower bed, so we can get some black dirt tilled into the clay and I can finally get my hostas in the ground. I'm ready to crash! But I can't, because we have two soccer practices tonight, at the same time, in different places.

Now that we're home and shouldn't be going anywhere again for a while, I'll be able to blahg more. Theoretically.

Hey hosers!

2006-07-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

Our internet is being disconnected tomorrow, so I figured I'd better at least say bye for a while. Not that I've updated much recently. We pack out on Friday and Saturday this week, and our final inspection on the house is Tuesday, which is when we'll move into TLF. (Military hotel for you non-military-speak types.) As of the 10th Brian is no longer a part of Kadena AB!!!! Then we be leaaavin', on a JETPLANE, on the 12th.

I'm going nuts here. There's so much to be done, and most of it can't be done until the last minute. I'll be so glad when this week is over.

ONE MORE PAYDAY TO GO

2006-07-14T23:51:00.001-07:00

28 days until we leave!!! We pack out on the 4th & 5th of August, 3 weeks from today. Final inspection on this house is on the 8th or 9th, and we'll move into temporary lodging for our remaining days on island. We'll be able to keep the dogs in TLF with us, thank GOD. I was really worried about having to put them in the horrible kennels here. And finally, on the 12th, we fly! YEAAAAAAAAH!!!

One stress we DO have right now is trying to sell the vehicles. Both are POS's, but we have to get rid of them. And we need to get $1500 between the two of them to pay for the Jeep that we're buying from Bri's Aunt. These are craptacular vehicles, and there are so many people moving right now that there are a ton of vehicles being sold. I just hope that somebody NEEDS a craptacular car or van.

I think Brian and I are going to go to one of the festivals out in town, tonight. It's probably going to be pretty crowded, so we'll take a cab. If we can get a sitter, that is. Ergh. We'll see...

Look who's THREE!!!

2006-06-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

According to him, it's his BOWDAY! I can't beleive he's three already. Where did my baby go?

Catey's 7th birthday was two weeks ago, I still need to get those pics up. And next week, Bethany. Somebody find a stop button for me so I can make them stop growing up!!!!

EWW EWW EWW EWW!!!!!

2006-06-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when we got home from the beach there were several ambulances and firetrucks at a house around the corner. Not long after we got home one of the ambulances left at full speed, sirens and lights going.

This morning at 3 AM I made the mistake of checking my email and found a warning from our commander's wife. An adult had been bitten by a habu snake (thank God it was an adult, a child would have been killed) and it was a pretty bad bite. From the background in the pictures I know that this is what was going on around the corner. She also mentioned that a dog had been bitten and killed over on Kadena last week.

I'm not normally afraid of snakes, but habus terrify me. Needless to say, I had terrible snakey dreams all the rest of the night.

OK, so I might miss a few things.

2006-06-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

I love living only a few minutes away from the beach. It's so easy to just decide to go and GO. The kids and I spent three glorious hours at the beach today (Pirate Ship Park, Jen) and it was so much fun. I even finally got Matthew to try swimming!! For an island boy he's pretty landlocked, but not today. He discovered the joy of an inner tube and was "wunning in the wadder." We built sand castles. Ok, we tried to build sand castles, not an easy feat with coral sand, but it was still fun.

I can't remember the last time I had this much fun with my kids. YAY FOR THE BEACH!!!!

54 days!

2006-06-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

Nah, I'm not counting at all.

It's done!

2006-06-02T23:18:00.000-07:00

We closed on the house this morning! *happy dance*

Now if we could just live in it. August 12 can't come too soon!

What is this TECHNOLOGY you speak of?

2006-06-01T00:48:00.000-07:00

I am WAY behind the times. We didn't get a DVD player until a few short years ago. I can't tell you what a gigabyte is. RAM? Isn't that a mountain goat with really big horns? Or a Dodge truck? So needless to say, I'm rather behind the times when it comes to music as well. If I hear a song I like on the radio, I merely hope it comes back on the playlist soon. Or better yet, pray that the PX actually HAS the album so I can buy it. Yeah, we've got a LOT of CD's we don't listen to very often.

So I've finally discovered iTunes. I've spent the whole day trying to narrow down all the songs I've wanted to buy CD's for down to a whopping 20. TWENTY!!! How am I supposed to narrow down Hoobastank (I want the whole album!), Joni Mitchell, Joe Cocker, U2, all the awesomely ghey movie soundtracks.... ??????? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't have an iPod yet, I'm just going to burn the songs to CD. I've never really understood the whole point of an iPod. Really, can't you people go just a LITTLE while without music? Do you really need a soundtrack for your life? Apparently so. And I'm starting to get it now.

Well MIIIINE can...

2006-05-31T17:00:00.000-07:00

This gives me the hysterical giggles every time I see it. Aaaah, to be back in the states for the GOOD commercials.

Linking, since I can't get the dang thing to embed...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZXHoh_9pBk

Do you sudoku?

2006-05-24T19:55:00.000-07:00

I had never heard of sudoku until a few months ago, and I was too intimidated by it to try it. Adam helped my with my first puzzle yesterday, and I just finished my second. I think I'm addicted. It's going to be interesting teaching this to the girls, but I think it will REALLY help them with several aspects of homeschooling.

www.websudoku.com

9 incredible years

2006-05-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today I married my best friend.

Exploring Okinawa

2006-05-22T07:50:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, while Brian was on leave, we took the kids exploring for the day. We drove south and turned here and there. It's the best way to get anywhere, really. We found the Gushikawa-Jo ruins (Jo means castle), and Cape Kyan Prefectural Park. We also drove down to Peace Prayer Park. It was a beautiful, albeit horribly humid, day. And since a picture is worth a thousand words, here's a reference book to Okinawa.

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2106130099&code=22225051&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2106115301&code=22233118&mode=invite&DCMP=isc-email-AlbumInvite

A spider tale

2006-05-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

So the other night around 2 AM I woke up from a deep sleep with that feeling that something was very wrong. I lay there for a moment, and opened my eyes. As I opened my eyes I looked up to the corner of my bedroom.There was a spider dropping down on a thread. It's body was bigger than my hand, NOT including it's legs. It was the scariest thing I had ever seen. I swear it was coming to eat me.

I screamed like a little girl and jumped out of bed, and ran to turn on the light. As I stood there in the doorway of my bedroom, clutching my husband's trusty baseball bat (because we all know that a baseball bat will kill a f-ing huge spider!) I scanned the room. I didn't see the spider. I didn't even see it's thread. It was a STEALTHY spider. *nods*

I pulled back the blankets. Maybe it had crawled into my bed and was cuddling with my husband.

No spider.

I got up on the bed and leaned over to look underneath.

No spider.

I looked back up in the corner again, to see if I could tell where it had come from.And realized...I dreamed that spider. *looks around in a paranoid manner*

Brian slept through ALL of it.

You're such a retard.

2006-05-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

Come on, people, if you want to insult somebody, let's get a little more original.

I hate HATE HATE when people use the words retard or retarded as a manner of insult. If there's a number one way to make me dislike you right off the bat, let me hear you call somebody a retard. I'll dislike you for life, on principle.

People with true handicaps, whether it be mental or phyical, have no control over the way they are. It's not their choice. It's something that they, and their families, will have to live with forever. But it doesn't define who they are. They're still amazing people. And by calling them retard, you're just pointing out their differences. As if they weren't already aware of them. Puh-lease.

Last summer I was in one of the many "customer service" areas on base, waiting to be helped. There was a young female airman behind the counter, talking to one of her coworkers, and she said fairly loudly, "He's SUCH a f-ing retard."

It wasn't my place to say anything directly to her, so after I was finished I asked to speak to her supervisor. I told him what she had said, and told him that I actually had less of a problem with my kids hearing the f-bomb (OK, I admit it, I have a potty mouth that I'm working on) than with my kids hearing somebody being called a retard. I pointed out to him that if there had been a parent in there with a truly disabled child, that parent could have been crushed. Worse yet, what if a disabled person had heard that? How would they feel?

Honestly, I find the word just as offensive as the "n-word." It's not ok to use somebody difference to mock them. It's not ok to make a mistake and call yourself a retard, because YOU were stupid. If you make a mistake or are stupid, call it a whoops and move on with life. Don't be disparaging about it.

I feel so strongly about the word that just from typing it out so many times here, I feel as awful as I would if I had been cussing like a sailor in my grandma's presence. *ick*

A few pictures of the kids

2006-05-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

I can't decide which one I want to put on MIL's Mother's Day mug. She's a coffee addict, so I thought I'd get her a new mug for work.

Countdown

2006-04-30T03:15:00.000-07:00

It's 7 PM on the 30th, so this day is done enough....

92 days

exactly 3 months

13 weeks and 3 days (hey, I thought 3 months was supposed to be only 12 weeks!!!)

And my favorite, 6 paydays...

UNTIL WE LEAVE THIS ISLAND AND MOVE INTO OUR NEW HOME.

Nah, I'm not anxious to leave at.all.

Please God, let it go fast!!!

We got the house!!!!

2006-04-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

We close on June 2, and we'll be able to crash in our VERY OWN HOME the night we land! *does the Roger Rabbit, because that's just how cool I am*

A few more pics

2006-04-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

We didn't make it to Lee Greenwood after all. Bummer, that would have been fun. So instead I had a Corona and gave the kids my own little impromptu concert. I don't think the ungrateful little wretches appreciated it!!! *shakes head in disgust* Those kids have some learnin' to do!

We're putting an offer on a house!!!

2006-04-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

We're going to put an offer on the house in my best friend's neighborhood. It's only got the one thing wrong with it, in that the 3rd bedroom is really a study, but that's workable. My FIL is a handy guy and can help us build out the corner and a new closet, and put in a door where the closet currently is. Besides, the faux finish in that room will be a cool start to a rockin' piratey bedroom for Matt.

We're going to be homeowners. Woah. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

I want a beer.

2006-04-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

I hardly ever drink anymore. In the last few weeks though, I've drank more than I have in two years. A whopping three beers. And I want another one. Why do I want a beer now?

Because it's what you drink when you're swaying to Lee Greenwood, singing along with him as he belts out, oh-s0-patriotically, "Proud to Be an American" in front of a crowd of Air Force, Navy, And Marines.

Uber-American Lee and Restless Heart are giving a "PATRIOTIC concert" here tonight, and I think it's just down the hill. I might have to convince Brian to go, and get a babysitter so we can have a few beers and be patriotic.

If we go, there will be pictures. Oh yes, photographic fun. :D

So we're still house hunting.

2006-04-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

The existing home we really liked turned out to be a no-go. I figured it would, I wouldn't want to hold closing until August if I were the seller. It was worth it to try though.

So now we're looking in the same neighborhood where my best friend lives. New homes, good school, lots of cul-de-sac streets so the streets are safer... We've got a floorplan that we like, now it's just a matter of finding one in a stage of construction where we can ask that the builder put the door on the 3rd bedroom in the hallway, instead of opening into the living room as a study. I never realized how difficult JUST THAT ONE LITTLE THING COULD BE. Ergh. If we can find a home that's in that stage of construction, we'll also be able to choose our own colors & such, which will be nice.

I'm so ready to just buy a dang house. I'm trying to not be emotional about it, but that's hard to do when you're so stressed about everything that you're not sleeping at all. Emotions kind of just take control. Ergh again.

I did realize something that helped reduce the stress for a few moments. We've only got seven more paydays until we leave. (Assuming we leave in the first week of August.) SEVEN. That's a single digit, folks!!! But...but...SEVEN? Holy crap, that's a single digit, that's going to go by REALLY fast. We need to save more money! We need to get started on buying a few things for the house! We need to get the cat back to Oklahoma! (Crap, I just realized, I think he has an appointment today.) We need to figure out how to get the dogs back!

Ok, I need to call the vet...

I've found it.

2006-03-28T23:43:00.000-08:00

I have found the house that I want, and it's in Brian's top three as well. It's in our price range. The current owners are leaving a shed in the HUGE back yard, and the hot tub. Yeaaaaah, baby, there's a hot tub. There's a HUGE beautiful kitchen, where I won't be tripping over everybody. (OK, so I'll trip over them, but only because they're leeches, not becuase there's not enough room in the kitchen.) It has two living areas, and the front living area also has a little niche that would make a great craft area. There's a three car garage, the master bedroom is plenty big enough for our massive furniture. The tile floors are actually the pretty ones, and not that cacky yellow shiny stuff. I think it's even got a gas oven! YAY!! HOORAY FOR COOKIN' WITH GAS!! There are lots of windows, so lots of light.

Yes. This is the house that I want. Now, as long as the owners are willing to pay closing costs and are ok with an August or so closing, we're good. Right?

It really can't be that easy, can it?

And a few more

2006-03-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

And a few more

2006-03-28T21:18:00.000-08:00

Artsy fartsy

2006-03-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of March, Brian and I went on a deep sea fishing trip. We had a ball, caught a few fish, and I was mocked by the crew for taking "artsy fartsy pictures." Hilarity ensued.

Anyway, these are some of the best from that day.

The time has come...

2006-03-27T05:56:00.000-08:00

to buy a home.

We've been married almost 9 years and have lived in military housing or apartments the entire time. We are READY for our own place. We need roots. We need stability. We need a place to come back to that will be home.

So tonight I'm starting our preapproval process. A perfect stranger is going to tell us just how much house we can afford. Then I'm going to rely on another stranger to help us find a home and pretty much purchase it, sight unseen. We have a few places bookmarked on realtor.com that we really like, but it all depends on how much we're approved for. These last hours tonight, waiting for it to be 9 AM in OKC, have been agonizing.

There are so many questions to be answered. Do we want to buy a home that's currently under construction, or a previously owned home? Exactly what features do we want? Just how big IS 1620 sq ft? Do we really want to live in that particular town, or should we move closer to base? Are there ANY homes in that area that have anything other than gas heating? If not, we'll be going through a lot of firewood.

I'm anxious. I just want to know how much we can get, so we can hurry up and find a house. August is coming fast, and I just want to be SETTLED.

Waiting sucks, dude.

Homeschool, Day 1

2006-03-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

Wow. Juuuuuuuuuuust wow.

For the most part everything went really well. Matt was a stinker, go figure. But the girls did well with their work, and I never once lost patientce. Yay me.

A bit before lunch though, Bethany started complaining that her throat felt icky. In Bethspeak, that means that she'll be puking before long. It didn't click with me though, and I fed the kids macaroni and cheese with tuna for lunch. EW. She started throwing up around 1. She managed to finish her work though. LOL

So around 1:45, Matthew asked me to clean his ears. He loves having his ears cleaned, since he's got Brian's nasty ears. The cotton was long and tickled him just the wrong way and he started coughing so hard that HE threw up. Everything. All over me. Not a bit of it got on the sofa or the floor.

Did I mention that I'm a sympathetic puker?

So Matt's standing in the tub, covered in vomit, still throwing up, I'm hanging my head in the toilet and trying to take my vomit soaked clothes off at the same time. I finally managed to get all my clothes off, empty my own stomach, and get the clothes OUT of the bathroom, and Bethany came in to puke some more.

Some time in all of this I had managed to call Brian to tell him that it was a veritable puke fest here at home, and I had to leave a message. He managed to call back right when I was in the midst of trying to get into the shower wtih Matt and rub Bethany's back at the same time. He was mission planning, and couldn't get out until 4.

Once we were all finally cleaned up, Bethany said she felt better and I really needed to go run a few errands. So we went. Got done at the bank, went and got Matthew's hair cut (oh yeah, he climbed up on the bathroom counter while I was helping the girls with their morning work, and managed to start to give himself a haircut. ), and then went to the bookstore. Let the kids each pick out a book since we'd had a good but rough first day.

As we were heading to the checkout Bethany started weaving like she was drunk, and was white as a ghost. Her lips were grey. I asked her if she was going to throw up again, and told her to hurry up and go to the restroom, that I'd catch up to her in less than a minute. She's been to the restroom in that building plenty of times, so when she started heading for the managers office I knew she was bad. I dropped everything in the center of the store, grabbed her and held onto her neck at the pressure points to try to keep her from fainting, and steered her and half dragged Matthew out of the store. Poor Caitlin had no idea what was going on, and just followed. Bethany started stumbling and put her hand up to her face a few steps before we got to the exit door, and I started running. Still steering her and dragging Matt, and yelling "FAINTING GIRL COMING THROUGH!!!" We made it outside just in time, and managed to get to a corner next to a trash can and a water hose. The poor girl had nothing left to throw up.

Caitlin and Matthew were so good, and found a bench behind us and sat quietly the whole time I was taking care of Bethany.

So we started walking back to the van, but I had parked next to the bank so it was a bit of a walk. Bethany was still really pale, and I didn't think she could make the walk. Thankfully we ran into a friend, and Bethany was able to sit in front of Burger King with her so I could go get the van.

SO. Finally got all the kids home. Bethany went straight to bed to read, and Caitlin curled up on the sofa. I gave Matthew a snack and asked Catey if she wanted one.

No thank you.

She was holding her stomach. I asked her if she felt sick too, and she said her stomach really hurt. Like somebody had punched her. Which is CAITLIN's sign that she's going to throw up. Sure enough, about half an hour later she's hanging her head in the toilet.

As Catey's hanging her head in the toilet, Matthew came and tugged my hand and told me, "nigh-night." So I had to go dig his sheets out of the dryer, because of COURSE today would be the day that he wet the bed. Got him down for a nap, got Catey cleaned up, finally got all three kids settled down....

Thank God the house was quiet, I was finally able to take a nap. Because within an hour of them waking up, both girls were puking agian. Bethany didn't eat dinner at all, and hasn't kept down water. Caitlin tried eating some soup, and that came back up a short while later. I've now got both girls sleeping on the bottom bunk. I don't want Bethany waking up to throw up in the middle of the night and hurting her self trying to get down in time. There's a chum bucket next to the bed. Matthew's door is cracked, and I'm sure that he'll be next. I've got a raging headache, but I don't know if it's from stress or if I'm getting it. And Brian has a 10.5 hour flight tomorrow.

Yeah. We're skipping the field trip to the zoo tomorrow.

It's official

2006-03-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

Today is the girls' last day of school. Starting Monday, we are a homeschooling family. I'm skeered. What am I getting us into? Am I really doing the right thing for my kids? Am I going to be able to give them the individualized education that they need, the whole reason I'm pulling them out of school to begin with? Are they going to make me so completely insane that I just crack? Am I going to destroy my kids by homeschooling them?

Doubt is a bad thing, and I'm drowning in it right now.

2006-03-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

I am completely insane. That's the only conclusion I can draw from all this.

We're going to pull the girls out of the DoDDs school and homeschool them instead.

What am I thinking? We love their teachers! They have fun at school. It's just not enough though. B. is currently in a multiage class, 1-3 grades, and consistently chooses to work with the youngest age group. She's not learning as much as she could be, because she's choosing the path of least resistance. C. is bored out of her mind, so much so that she's deciding that "I can't dooooooo it." Ergh.

Brian is concerned about my mental state as we go through with it. He's afraid I'll end up angry all the time. I think I'll be OK though. A big reason I was getting so angry all the time was because the girls were so worn out with schoolwork that they didn't want to deal with homework when they got home. They just wanted to be KIDS. Which is understandable. Besides, their homework is just ridiculous, so it was frustrating to walk them through it. My thinking is that if we're just doing our schoolwork during the day, we're not going to have to deal with extra homework, and the stress level will already be reduced. On top of that, they'll finally have time to be involved in sports and other activities. And field trips! We can go on awesome field trips! Can you tell I'm getting excited? ;)

My kids' education is paramount. Right now I see them beginning to flounder, and it scares me. With the "No Child Left Behind" program, even more kids are being dragged in the flow of the education system, whether they're ready to move on or not. That's not fair to the individual child. So I do what I have to do to make sure that THEY do well.

I really am crazy, aren't I?

2006-03-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

I love cats. They're so sweet and cuddly, yet arrogant and standoffish at the same time. And they can TALK. Animals that talk just rock.

Much like these awesome puddy tats.

Why I eyes ya all live long day!!!

2006-03-01T22:01:00.000-08:00

I wish I were two years old.

Because then, if I were feeling frustrated and tired I could just pitch a fit, and people would understand that I'm frustrated and tired. Because, hey, I'm two. I could use the potty, and people would give me a high five for doing so. Because a two year old that uses the potty is AWESOME. I could put robots on choo choo trains and choo choo them around the house, and call them "choo choo bobots". I could attack tall people's knees with big hugs, and the big people would sit down and love on me for a bit.

Yeah. It would be great to be two again.

2006-02-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

Things are slowly but surely getting better. I'm finding more joy in life, which is always good. The meds stopped working for a little while, but once the doc bumped up the dosage I really started to notice a difference.

In all honesty, I know I need to be in therapy to deal with the familial issues, but I'm not ready to face them yet. I'm just now, after three months of not talking to them, finally beginning to let go of most of the anger. I still wish I could find the nutsack to tell them that they're missing out on some incredible kids, and that it's all their own loss, but I know that will just lead to more denial that they're doing anything wrong. The "I forgot" excuse only flies once with me. They're not forgetting my kids, they're ignoring them. Sorry, but going to work and bragging about the grandkids is NOT being a grandparent. So I'm just done. I'm not going to force our lives down their throats anymore. It's clear that they have no interest, and really never have. When we go back to the states, if we go through their area we won't be stopping for a visit. I doubt we'll even let them know we're there.

Wow. That sounds so cold and calloused. But it's not. It's a little bit of self defense, and a lot bit of resignation to the fact that my family has never put a bit of stock into me. We've been here in Japan for over three and a half years now. They haven't come to visit once, or even bothered to pick up the phone. It breaks my heart every day. It makes me sick that I'm 30 years old and still having mommy issues.

Wugh.

REALLY!!! I have been finding so much more joy in life. Everywhere I go, I see a photograph and wish I had the camera with me. I want to be able to capture life as I see it, with all the light and shadows playing together so beautifully. Whether it be over my own childrens' faces, over the Okinawan people's faces, or nature, I'm learning again that it's light and shadow that create life to begin with. I've been a bit better with the kids lately, too. More patient. They still frustrate me to no end, and I wish to doG that I had an ignore button for the girls, LOL, but to see them giggling in their beds when I tuck them in....it's why I'm a mommy. To hear Bubzilla say, "Yuh yew tew!!" when I kiss him... aaaahhhh...

I'm waxing poetic again, and it's probably not even making sense. It's 1:30 in the morning, and I've got to be up at 6:30 with the girls. I hate when Bri has to work nights, I can't sleep. But I'm dizzy now, I really need to drag my fat butt to bed.

So good night, my sweets, a sweet slumber and sweet dreams! Or something like that!

2005-10-18T13:59:00.000-07:00

Brian has to fly today, so he has to be at work at 5:45. He's been tripping over stuff that HE DIDN'T PUT AWAY TO BEGIN WITH, but somehow that's my fault. He came to kiss me goodbye, and I heard his car start and drive away.

Not five minutes later there's a body looming in the dark, in my doorway. I didn't hear him come back and I didn't hear him come in the house. And I know for a fact that I was awake because I was tossing and turning trying to go back to sleep, cursing him because he woke me up to begin with. And he tripped over the same box that he tripped over the first time. It was everything I could do to keep from screaming, I was so freakin' scared. My heart is still pounding, and it's been 20 minutes.

Apparently, he forgot his reflective belt and he has to have it, and hey, don't forget he HAS TO BE AT WORK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES. So he's thrashing about our room trying to find it. I tell him I haven't seen it in the house in months because he doesn't usually bring it in. So he keeps thrashing about and getting more and more pissed. Finally he asks for help, but he was really pissy about it. (I won't help him look for something unless he spefically asks for help, on principle. Especially if he's being a bunghole about it.) So I get up and help him look in all the places he would have left it. Nope, no belt. After a whopping three minutes he storms off, saying he has to leave.

OK, soooooooooooooooooo...you're tripping over stuff that you left laying around, you're running late because you hit snooze too many times, you can't find a peice of MANDATORY GEAR, and somehow this is all my fault. Gotcha. I'll keep that in mind. In the meantime, HAVE A NICE STINKING FLIGHT AND KISS MY BUTT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!!

I really hate when he flies mad at me, especially if it's not even my fault. I have this fear that something will happen to the jet (even though there's only been one crash in 40 years) and that he'll die mad at me.

It's 6 in the morning, and I have no prospects of going back to sleep now. I'm tired, I'm still shaking from thinking there was a murderer standing in my doorway, and I'm annoyed as all get out with my husband. The creep.

2005-09-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

I do not like the person that I am.

That sounds horrible, doesn't it? Espcially since I'm on meds that are supposedly supposed to HELP me feel better. Instead, they're making everything clearer. I am a bitch. I am not a nice person. I can completely understand why nobody wants to hang out with me anymore. I wouldn't want to hang out with me!

What's so bad about me? DH says I'm negative about all the people we're "friends" with. I think that's because I've been using the negativity as a guard against being hurt. (Newsflash, Meg, it ain't workin'.) I'm extremely impatient with my children. And the more impatient I get, the more they do exactly what it is that's driving me crazy. I'm a control freak. If things aren't going exactly the way I think they should be, I get irate. I feel like I'm constantly angry. For no good reason. Look at me funny and I'm likely to rip your head off. I'm extremely judgemental. Goes along with that control freak thing, I guess.

I swear up and down that I don't care if people like me or not, but come on. How can you NOT care if people like you. Especially people you used to be friends with?

I want to be a nice person. I want to be able to honestly say that I like who I am. I want to be able to find joy instead of irritation in my life. Problem is, how do I get there?

2005-07-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

So I've been meaning to start a blog for a loooooooong time now. Might as well get around to it now, eh?

My name is Meg, and I'm 29 years old. I'm married to Brian, and we live in Okinawa Japan with our three kids. B. is 8, C. is 6, and M. is 2. All three of our children were born in June. No, Brian and I don't restrict our sex to just September, God was just playing a joke on us. I opened my big mouth when I realized my due date with C. and said, "We won't be able to have any more kids, or they'll all be born in June." Why oh WHY did I have to say that? So yeah, 3 kids, all in June. It's just as bad as Christmas.

Why are we in Okinawa? Brian is in the Air Force. We met in the Air Force when I was active duty, we had the same job. We got married two weeks before I became a civilian, and B. was born two weeks later. I've followed him around the world ever since. OK, not so much around the world, until now. So far we've lived in Oklahoma, where we met (yeeeehaw), Arizona, and now, Okinawa. We're here for one more year, then hopefully we'll be able to go to Alaska. Doubtful though. We'll probably end up back in Oklahoma.

Well, I've told you about my family, but not much about me. There really isn't much to tell though. Like I said, I'm 29, I'll be 3o in December. I always say "The closer I get to 30, the younger it seems." Hm. I'll need to change that to 40. I'm about 100 lbs overweight, and supposedly I wear it well. I don't quite understand that, because if you're fat then you're fat. I need to lose the weight, I know I need to lose the weight, and eventually I WILL lose the weight. But please, don't tell me I wear it well. It's just as bad as saying, "You've got such a pretty face." Hm, what else? I'm a Pampered Chef consultant. I've been selling PC since April, and just took a short break this summer while Brian was on leave, but now I'm getting back into it. I've had an addiction to PC products for five years now, so I might as well be earning the money rather than spending it.

OK, enough for now.......